Christian99

Totally understand, and just to be clear I was responding to the original poster's invitation for anyone's thoughts on Carr--I definitely wasn't criticizing any individual or response. C99

I am not a fan of Carr's book. I raise this not to disparage the work or those who find it helpful: there is absolutely no doubt that it has helped a lot a people and saved a lot of lives. That's an incredible accomplishment and legacy. But I mention this because at times Carr and his positions were (and I think to some extent still are) viewed as almost sacrosanct and that if one didn't/doesn't subscribe to his method or identify with his style then there is something deficient in the quitter's approach. I should note that this almost cult-like devotion was mostly apparent to me as I was first quitting and in the the first decade or so of my freedom, and I don't really know if it's as prevalent today. That said, I did have some exchanges about and with Joel Spitzer in the 20 teens (maybe on this site, maybe on a previous one) that suggested to me that there's still a kind of "The Easyway is the Onlyway" bias in quitting circles. And in terms of approach, Carr and Spitzer have lots of similarities, well beyond their shared antipathy toward NRT. I am sharing this, too, because I want to validate other experiences of and approaches to quitting. For some people (like me, for instance), there was or is no easy way: quitting can be messy, complicated, miserable, and seemingly interminable, and simple reframing of the experience does little to mitigate it. In fact, I'd argue that it can even intensify the difficulty if one internalizes the message that it can and should be easy. Some quitters, for a range of reasons, need to lean into the misery; those of us who did or do might find that Carr simply does not resonate with (and even, in the worst case, insults) us. So if Carr doesn't speak to you, it doesn't mean you're not listening; it could be that you're equipped--temperamentally, intellectually, emotionally--to respond to a different speaker and message. Christian99 22+ Years Quit

I really appreciate and admire your post. At more than 20 years quit, I try never to forget that I'm a smoking addict. A small part of me (I hope!) will always have extraordinary fear of the addiction (and the initial puff that would reactivate it). That's not to say that it negatively impacts me (in fact, the exact opposite is true, as my smoke free status is a source of enormous pride), but I remain vigilant regarding the enormous power of this addiction. Thank you for posting this, and I'm wishing you the very best-- Christian99 22+ Years Quit

Good to hear that you're still committed to a smoke free future, Susie! The one thing I'll note is to be careful about placing too much emphasis on a "better" time to quit: most of us have found that any time one chooses has its (sometimes profound) challenges, and waiting for the right time can sometimes be an unconscious avoidance strategy. It will suck whenever you do it (and it will probably still suck with NRTs), but it will be so worth it. C99

Hi Susie-- I'll disagree with some of the advice you've received and the impressions you've drawn about NRT (even if one begins a quit without it). It is a valuable tool used by many quitters, and it is simply not true that quit outcomes are worse or the experience is somehow more challenging when this tool is used. Please consider quitting again soon, and think about what other tools/approaches (including NRT) you'll utilize this next time. I used the gum, wellbutrin, and daily exercise. We know you can do it! Christian99 22+ Years Quit

Thanks everyone! It's been a challenging year, health-wise, but things are finally looking up in that regard. My smokefree identity remains something I'm incredibly proud of and grateful for, and I've definitely used the lessons of it as I've navigated the past year. Treating myself to a couple of weeks in the caribbean next month Cheers-- C99

You've gotten some awesome advice, QG. The only thing I'd add is to consider adopting other healthy activities or interests, so that this healthy persona can serve as additional support for you during vulnerable moments. I did something like that when I quit, and it seemed to help (a bit): when I was feeling especially crappy or cravey, I'd imagine the act of actually smoking and it would seem completely antithetical to this new version of myself that I was creating. It's also true that it gave me positive, proactive things on which to focus (going to the gym, shopping at health food stores, etc.) instead the thing I was ostensibly denying myself. Keep up the incredible work, friend-- Christian99 Nearing 22 Years Quit

Hi Linda-- In December 2001, I gave away a three week quit: like you, I was pretty devastated. But a couple of days later, I screwed up the courage to try again, and the cigarette I had on the evening of December 10th was the last one of my life. I share this with you to let you know that, as hard as it seems right now and as discouraged as you might feel, your forever quit can begin right now. You CAN do it. Peace-- Christian99 Nearing 22 Years Quit

Extraordinary, Dave!!!!! Treat yourself, friend-- Christian99

So beautifully and thoughtfully written, DB--during your travels, feel the supportive energy of your quit compatriots. Be well-- Christian99

I hope this isn't too tired or uninteresting a question, but I was wondering if people wanted to identify and explain the most significant aspect of their quit, either in terms of process (the "how") or the rationale (the "why") of their quit. Or anything else, for that matter. For me, it was exercise and nutrition. More specifically, when (and actually a little bit before) I quit, I made some pretty substantial changes to my diet and and to my daily exercise--I began to eat very "clean" (not eating out and preparing healthy low-fat meals at home, for instance), and I started daily workouts at a gym. One of the reasons I did this was because I recognized that my personality tends toward the extreme(s), and instead of ignoring that (or chastising myself for this predilection), I hoped that I could leverage it to achieve this particular goal. And I did get pretty focused on (and even obsessed with) healthy food and lots of exercise. It certainly could be argued (and I suspect that my spouse WOULD argue!) that I went a little overboard with the health and fitness project; however, I was doing so with a fair amount of self-awareness that this was an approach that just might work for me, given my personality traits. I'm not at all suggesting that eating grilled chicken and broccoli for a couple of months straight is the "right" way to quit: indeed, I'd say that the "Ben and Jerry's" approach is just as--if not more!--legitimate than my more abstemious approach. But if there's a broader lesson in/from my experiences, perhaps it is to try to craft an approach that allows you to benefit from and exploit the things that make you tick. What helped you, and/or what was your overwhelming, overarching rationale? Cheers, friends-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Warmest congrats, Jillar! Few people have helped others as much as you--thank you for all you continue to do! Christian99

Absolutely incredible, Paul!! I hope you're treating yourself massively--even spectacularly--for this milestone! All the best-- Christian99

Wishing you all the best and grateful for your assistance to other quitters, Dave-- C99

Sounds like you're doing great, Toc--keep up the fabulous work!! It can be helpful at this point to think about and make some plans for situations in which your confidence wanes or if life throws you some curveballs. Hopefully, these things won't happen, but if they do, you'll have some tactics to help you through. You're an inspiration, friend-- Christian99

Keep grinding, Brioski. These extended periods are terrible--I still remember them more than twenty years after the fact. One of the things that helped me through them (at least a little bit) was my honest assessment that if I failed to maintain my quit I was not sure when or even if I would be able to quit again. Given how much I had invested in the process, that was a frightening thought, even more frightening I guess than the horrible current reality and the uncertainty of when (and IF!) things would get better. It had to be now, and the quit would take the shape (and include the misery) that it would. But it had to be now. And things DID get better--better than I could ever have imagined. That freedom and joy are waiting for you, too; in fact, I'd argue that you're developing even greater capacity for them through the very challenges that you're currently experiencing. That's not at all meant to minimize the difficulties themselves (I know, they SUCK), but it is meant as a reminder, a promise, and an expression of admiration of the transformation you are making. You're doing it, friend; keep grinding. Wishing you strength and peace-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

You've gotten lots of great advice, LOF. As some have said, expecting to wake up one day and be "ready" can be really counterproductive (though it's certainly understandable): similar to DenaliBlues, I was profoundly ambivalent as I began my quit, but with some important and consistent changes to my daily routines, I was able to slowly quit my way into certainty, confidence, and peace. But that shift takes time, and it's hard if not impossible to discern it happening on a day to day basis. The interesting (and confusing) contradiction is that one can feel miserable (on Day 1 or Day 21) but that is still "success" because succeeding in this enterprise ultimately doesn't have anything to do with how one feels at a particular moment. It's about remaining completely smoke free at all times, and every moment you do that is a win. You can do it, friend, and it will change your life. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Incredible, inspirational work, Brioski!! Treat yourself today, friend--you deserve it! C99

Welcome LOF-- It's important to know that it CAN be done; YOU can do it. You've already gotten some great advice, and I want to underscore the point about changing your morning routine. For me, that meant standing at the stove and making real oatmeal, the kind that benefits from regular stirring. That physical act helped me, and I even began to have some fun experimenting with different ways to make and add various items to my morning oatmeal (or what my wife sometimes called my "gruel"). One key, I think, is to make some changes--morning and otherwise--that work for you and your personality. There is definitely not a single way to do this. Knowing that I tend towards the obsessive a bit, I decided to start a daily exercise regimen and made significant changes to my diet: my thinking was that this would give me something else to concentrate on instead of the thing I was ostensibly denying myself. (I also used nicotine gum and wellbutrin for about two months.) That worked for me, but it definitely wouldn't work for everyone: sh*t, I like to say that the Ben and Jerry's approach (that is, getting through the initial stages with comfort foods) is just as legitimate as more abstemious methods like mine. And, given one's personality type, it may very well be better. The most important thing is to quit and to reclaim your health and freedom from smoking. Let me reiterate that you CAN do this. And, deep down, you know you must. We're here for you, friend-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

AWESOME!! Incredible, inspirational work, Claire! It CAN be done. C99

You make great, important points here, Yoda: one of the implications of them (for me) is that there are fewer downsides to NRT than many cold turkey advocates sometimes suggest. Claims of the quitters who, for instance, are still chewing nic gum years after they stopped smoking are wildly overstated and hyperbolic IMO, and I've always been concerned that such messages (and the overall fetishization of the Cold Turkey quit) have limited overall quitting success rates (because people who might benefit from NRT are instructed and that the "best" or even only way to quit is CT). I'm not nearly as active in the cessation community as I used to be, so I don't know if the CT message is as strident and even exclusionary as it used to be. But my sincere hope is that more people have come to understand and honor the many different ways to effectively and healthily quit smoking. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

While this setback is still fresh in your mind, Darcy, I wanted to share a few (kind, non-judgmental) thoughts. Specifically, after serious attempts to quit like this one, I'm pretty convinced that it's impossible to smoke in "normal" unreflective ways again: you've distanced yourself from the denial that accompanies active addiction, and you're even more aware of the damage that each cigarette is doing to you. This uneasiness is ultimately a good (though certainly not pleasant) thing, especially if you leverage it to get back to the crucial, life-affirming work of becoming and remaining smokefree as soon as possible. At least for me, my initial unsuccessful attempts demanded that I confront the fundamental question of whether I could/wanted to see myself as a smoker for the rest of my life. And, despite my addiction, I simply could not imagine a lifetime of smoking and realized, ultimately, that I just had to start again--this time with a frightening but courageous commitment that no matter how crappy I felt and for however long, I would stay smokefree. I know that you can do something similar, and in the process that disappointment (and even self-loathing) you're experiencing now will become a a kind of transformative pride that will shape your future in extraordinary ways. Join us again sooner rather than later, friend--we know you can do this. Christian99 21+ Years Quit

Bonjour, mon ami! You CAN do this, and it's extraordinary that you're doing it at age 24! I didn't quit until I was nearly 34, and I wish I had possessed your maturity, commitment, and foresight when I was in my twenties. Being around smokers can be tough, but it's definitely not determinative: about ten days after I quit in 2001, I spent 21 hours in a car and then about three weeks at the beach with a smoker buddy of mine. In some ways, the presence of smoke and the availability of cigarettes during that time sort of helped me: I absolutely knew that I had to remain focused on remaining smokefree, and that extra attention paid dividends in the short and medium term (even after I got back. There are lots of ways to skin this cat, but exercise and a new, healthier diet helped me. We're all wishing you the best and hope you keep us updated! Sante-- Christian99 21+ Years Quit

If anyone is interested in reading and thinking more about the tobacco industry, I recommend Robert Proctor's Golden Holocaust (U of CA P, 2012). It's a carefully researched, thought provoking, and troubling book that shows, in substantial detail, the ways in which companies manipulate the chemistry of cigarettes for maximum addictiveness and spend billions on fostering/normalizing the associations between smoking and "freedom." It also offers a pretty persuasive argument on phased in abolition, highlighting how cigarettes are fundamentally unlike other consumer products and are more akin to (and should be regulated/prohibited like) substances such as Thalidamide, PCBs, etc. In general, I support decriminalization regarding drugs, but this book has deeply informed my thinking on the benefits and possibilities of eliminating the availbility of corporate tobacco products. Christian99 21+ Years Quit ib

Among the many benefits/pleasures of being quit, I'd highlight the fact that my smokefree status is always there, always a reminder of one of the greatest and most important things I've done in my life. So if I'm having a particularly difficult moment/day/etc., I can always reflect on and celebrate this achievement. Christian99 21+ Years Quit