NayNay

I think I've posted on this very thing not too long ago.  I've not had so much the urge to smoke but dreams that I am smoking, or that I'm buying a pack of cigarettes, or actually see myself smoking a cigarette.  Upon awaking, I am very disturbed to think that I broke my quit only to realize it was just a dream (or nightmare!).  Why is smoking so much on my mind that I am dreaming about it?  Could be stress level is just high right now and I used to smoke a lot during stressful times.  I believed it was my way of "unstressing" a situation or my mind.  I was very wrong about that.  So, I feel great relief when I realize I didn't actually buy or smoke any cigarettes and blow my over 1 year quit.  

Now, how to get my mind off that nasty subject not being aware in the first place that it is there?

Marti, I can totally relate to how you are feeling.  I will get very random thoughts of smoking, and then remember "oh yeah, I don't do that anymore."  Im at 7 months today, so don't fret.  I think it is totally normal to have those thoughts, and as long as you are able to push them aside and move forward, you are doing exactly the right thing.

Stay strong my friend.

Good for you Marti!  So glad you were able to get through holiday without a problem.  Unfortunate for your Mom.  You stay on the road you've been on and you will be at one year looking at stepping up to the lido deck before you know it!

Agree 110%

So, I have to say that I feel pretty solid in my quit, even though I have been going through some very heavy emotional rollercoasters lately.  I don't know if it is hormonal or what, but I've been all over the place, feeling down, sad, depressed, and crying a lot.  I have ups and downs with my feelings about being a diabetic and the struggles that are sometimes a daily thing with my blood sugar, and of course with my weight issues that seems to be ongoing for the majority of my life.  However, the other evening I was talking to a very close friend (who also happened to be my very first boyfriend, first kiss, and first "love" when I was 13 years old) and discovered that he has pancreatic cancer and has approximately 6 months left.  This man and I were very close friends all through junior high and high school, and kept in contact until he got married and moved away.  We hadn't spoken or seen each other in about 32 years, and I happened to find him on Facebook one day.  I sent him a message and he sent me his phone number.  We've been communicating again for over a year now, and it is like we picked right back up on our friendship where it left off back when.  

Now after all that time and always wondering where he was and what he was doing, we finally reconnect only to find that I'm going to lose him once again.  Keep in mind this was my very first love, and to some degree, he owns that little place in my heart forever.  I love my husband very much, and he is very aware of all this and is accepting.  I thank God for him everyday because he is such a wonderful man.  

If there were going to be a time of great stress that would cause me to relapse, this would be a winner.  But, I realized today that I haven't even thought about smoking through all this.  I can honestly say that my heart is heavy with the knowledge that this person who is my forever friend and special friend will cease to be here in this world.  I haven't even gotten to see him again; just have talked.  He lives in another state.  He has suffered some horrible traumatic events in his life, and I just want to hug him and tell him everything will be okay.  But, I will never get the chance to do that now.  

I ask all those who read my blog to please say a prayer for this man because he is worthy of our thanks and comfort.  This man served in the military as an Air Force Mechanic, and was involved in a horrific helicopter accident that nearly killed him.  He does suffer from PTSD from that terrible accident, and overall is a good man and loving man.

Thanks to anyone who read this.  I just needed to get this out there so it isn't sitting inside my head bouncing around.  

So, after a very anxious filled and horrible night on another quit smoking site, I have decided that "there is no place like home."  I cannot even fathom any new quitter that did not quit cold turkey being put through the absolute wringer the way the other site puts you through.  God, don't EVER mention an e-cig either.  You will be persecuted!  I'm still so angry because of the censorship and deletion or hiding of threads and posts by the admins or owners of this other site.  I will not mention the name here, but pray that no one finds it anymore because they are so biased it isn't even funny.  I'm still shaking from the fight that went on last evening.  I cannot allow this in my life.  If anything were to lead me to relapse, that conversation last evening would be it.

But, I will stay close to quittrain because I have found acceptance and love here.  Thank you from the top, middle, and bottom of my heart for your support and encouragement.  As I celebrate my 3 months free of smoking and cigarettes.  I Love all of you for being kind.  

Today I want to start my day with some things that I am very grateful for:

1.  My Faith in God

2.  My Family; I have such a loving husband, two beautiful daughters, two faithful fur babies (Tinker and Belle), my Dad, my Sisters, My Nieces, Nephews, Great Niece and Great Nephew, Brother-in-Law too!  My wonderfully dearly departed Mom (who I miss so very much every single second of every single day).

3.  My Job and my boss.

4.  My friends

5.  The new found strength I have found in myself.

Without all of the above, I would never have been able to put down the cigarettes and get on with my life as a non-smoker.  I still have far to go, but I have faith that all of the above will keep me on the track to better health, longer life, and a lifetime of joy.

Thank you to all who contribute to my quit.  

Thanks MQ....I absolutely love Neil Diamond.  Great voice for a great man.  

This weekend is turning out to be quite lovely.  Spent time with my sister, niece, daughters, great nephew and great niece Saturday.  Was a lovely day to be with family.

This Sunday (today) I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for the beautiful sunshine, the low humidity, and the sound of dogs barking and children laughing in the neighborhood.  This is what living is all about!

Now, I need to get back to cleaning my abode so I can relax the rest of the day.  Good day to all of you here at QT!  Feeling strong and empowered without a nasty cigarette ruining my day.

I love to sing in the car too!  I love that I don't cough like I'm dying when I laugh really hard.

I worked out like a maniac for a long time, but as I got older and my diabetes progressed more, I became rather sedentary.  I do a lot around the house and yard work, but I know it doesn't equal what exercise can do for you.

Today was somewhat of a long day.  But it was productive so I feel good about it.  Thank goodness the craves weren't really existent today.  I really like days like that.  As 3 months approaches, it gets easier and easier.  

Started back to exercising yesterday.  It's been a while.  I used to do Zumba 4 days a week, walk around the neighborhood, lift weights.  When the gym I went to (was literally less than 5 minutes away) closed, I stopped exercising.  That was almost 2 years ago now.  Wow.  So, back I go.  Doing some aerobics from youtube videos at home.  Hooked my computer up to the TV and away I went!  Starting slow, but 30 minutes was enough.  A little sore today from squats, but it's okay.  No pain no gain right?  I forgot just how energizing exercise can be.  Before too long I know I will look at it again as something I really need as my body will crave it.  For right now, I really have to force myself, but I'm determined.