Evelyn, please stop beating yourself up. You are not a loser. You are a warrior because you stopped at came back to the board. I know how embarrassing and uncomfortable it is to admit a relapse and worry about what people think of you, along with the stress you are already feeling because you relapsed. I've done it a gazillion times. I am the queen of relapse.
But
Please...don't worry about what we think. We support you. I can tell you're loved on this board. You have so many people on your side. My guess is that the only person who thinks you are a loser is you. And don't beat yourself up anymore. If you do, that means I have to beat myself up for the times I relapsed...everyone else has to start beating themselves up for times they relapsed. We don't want to do that and neither do you.
So pick yourself up, love. Dust yourself off. Love yourself.
Stay close to the board cuz once you relapse your addiction voice gets stronger and it will try to take you down again. I know I have a week smoke free so I'm no expert but I'm in recovery for addiction to another substance so I have been fighting this addiction voice for years. (too bad that didnt keep me smoke free huh)
xoxo