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NOPE

Nope!!

NOPE!!!!!!!!

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required).

NOPE…

NOPE

Lord knows, I have been running off at the mouth these last couple of weeks. Tonight I had one of those go down rip out your heart, get a roll of toilet paper, ugly girl crying jags. Now that it has passed, I bathed my face in cold water, I knew I was going to be okay. The depths of my sadness, my grief, had nothing to do with smoking or lack thereof. I am just missing my husband, what my life was supposed to be. I could go out and smoke a carton a day and it would not relieve my pain. I have lost someone, something I can never get back. I know the truth of it know, smoking was just something that I did, something I became addicted to, something I thought I could not live without. The truth is I can smoke or not, and yes there are days when I think, to hell with it. Okay, so I die sooner than I should, at least the horror parts of life would be over. If we all get lucky we will see each other again in another place. Why, in this world would I just not throw caution to the wind and enjoy the little time I have left. Sooner or later every decision we make comes back with an answer. My husband made a decision to not go back to the doctor. When he did it was too late, the cancer (skin) had metastasized. He did not feel bad, sick, but found a lump under his arm. That tiny little pea size lump took his life. So here I am in misery, without him. If I look at smoking again I am just doing the same thing, ignoring the fact that sometimes, things have to change. Sometimes we have to do things in order to protect ourselves and our loved ones from unnecessary grief and heartache. So, I now will be known as the lady who carries a roll of toilet paper in her purse to remind me why there will never be a pack of cigarttes in there again.

NOPE

Thank you for writing this, Kris. It was the message I needed to hear today. I've been grappling with grief, as well, and the urge to try to smoke away those feelings is strong. I guess such sorrow comes with being lucky enough to love and be loved. Grief can feel bottomless at times. But grief is NOT the entirety of who we are. I refuse to let it define me. And for sure, smoking won't bring my loved ones back... it would just undermine my ability to live a life that honors them. So I keep my quit, I trudge through some days that are difficult, and I practice gratitude for the goodness that life brings my way. Here's some stuff for my gratitude list today: Grateful for Kris. Grateful for my quit. Grateful for everyone in this community.

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min,Hour, Day as required).

NOPE

NOPE!

NOPE…

NOPE

Yeah, overcome tried to pull a fast one

Yay Chicks!!!

Overcome -18 Linda --19 -20

Hang in there and stay warm hopefully better days are in are future.

@Kris I am so sorry you are struggling But you are so right, smoking will not replace the grief of the loss of your loved one. I can tell you for sure, because that when I relapsed and smoke because of a similar reason and did not change a thing. Holidays are hard to get through. I too can so relate I miss my husband all the time he WA also a wonderful man and gone to soon. But I know your husband would want you to take care of yourself. You are a strong person much stronger than I was I gave in and through my year plus quit away and it did not change a thing. Except I felt worse about myself. So hang in there my friend, you've got this. One day at a time!!

I hope you can find comfort in your life. You have much to offer others. try to turn your grief into positive actions as you have by stopping smoking. Turn the positive action towards helping family and others. There is a song by Laura Story called "Blessings" that has always helped me through some tough times which seem endless at times. We all know loss in our life. "Suffering is part of the deal" I hope better times ahead for you.

The high here today was 16 f The low tonight is 9, it is cold The last four days was pretty miserable. Lots of snow but the next few days it is suppose to start to warm up some. Yeah!!!!

NOPE!

NOPE!

Saying goodbye to loved ones is never easy. It hurts and there's no way around it. I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves looking for "closure." I'm not sure when seemingly everybody started using that word, it just happened one day. You don't close the book on the ones you love, you move on to the next chapter. This is an important realization. We try to fill voids in our life with all types of things. At best, they are loving distractions. At worst, they are actually compounding our problems at our lowest times. Regardless of which it is, we are only delaying the inevitable; we will eventually have to deal with the actual issue. Kris, I think you've only begun to tap into the strength you are capable of. Hang in there, better days are ahead.

00 You got to watch those sticks, always cheating! That's why I always scroll up first before putting down my number lol

Way to go, @Nancy, @jillar and @Linda!

I'm happy to see you have this change in attitude towards smoking and seeing it for the addiction it is. Now hopefully you can start moving forward and living in the present. I really think if you focus on other things you'll feel better. Find something you like to do or something you've wanted to try and give it a go. I'm sure your husband wouldn't want you to be in misery, at least not for this long. Go see your son's house and bring them his favorite meal. I know you've never been and that's just sad to me. I can only imagine his wife thinks its her fault so you can show her its not. And you may just enjoy yourself!

We got up to 19f and low tonight around 10f. Lake effect snow is supposed to taper off tomorrow. Then we will get some warmer temps in the days to come as well.

Seeing the extreme weather conditions on TV. Please stay safe to any members here who are caught up in this Stay warm .. Its 31 deg here today xx

Well said. Thanks for these important words @johnny5 and thanks for the bump @jillar. For years I thought that I was making a free choice to smoke. But my dependence was much deeper than that - chemical, emotional, ritual. I cannot be a casual smoker because I, too, am an addict. I know this because I exhibited many of the classic signs of addiction: I kept smoking even though it made me feel terrible and was harming my health. Whenever nicotine ran low in my system, I would get agitated and jittery. The only thing that really mattered to me in those moments was getting my next fix. I made irrational decisions about smoking. Like spending money on smokes even when money was frightfully tight and I was having a hard time making ends meet. Or going outside in hurricane-force winds to smoke, even though it was stupidly dangerous to do so. I isolated myself from friends and family, prioritizing my drug (nicotine) over those family relationships. I was not always truthful about how much I had smoked. Every time I tried to set limits or ration my smoking, I would inevitably revert to my baseline use. "Just one" would turn into "just one more" would turn into "Well, I've already blown it for today so I'll cut back tomorrow" would turn into a pack or more a day. Breaking free of this bondage is a real gift of quitting. The addiction is part of me, lurking on the sidelines, able to be reactivated if I smoke even one. So I stay vigilant and say NOPE - Not One Puff Ever - to stay free.

NOPE

NOPE

NOPE!!!!!!!!!

Nope..

NOPE!

NOPE…

@Kris, I can guarantee that you ask anyone who's relapsed because they really wanted to smoke they'll tell you they wish they'd never given up their quit. I don't know if you do positive affirmations but I love them when I need to get my head straight. Just put each benefit of quitting on a sticky note and stick it on the bathroom mirror (or anywhere you'll see it first thing every morning). Also write down what exactly you're missing about smoking? Is it the stale smoke stink? The hard earned money spent? Maybe its the burn holes in stuff you really like? Think of those things since the obvious health reasons don't seem enough. You can also trick your brain into thinking its getting the real thing by using an air cigarette when you get a crave. It worked great for me and you'll naturally stop doing it as time goes by. Also don't forget to do something that you never smoked while doing when those nasty craves come up.

@Kris Good to see you here. What a great post to share. I can relate to what you are saying. You have done a great job on having a good life. Might not be the life that you expected to be. But you have all the great memories to hold close to your heart. We do have a lot to be grateful for. Your post was very inspirational!!