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  1. I smoked my last few cigarettes sitting on my back step ,crying I was given a ultimatum... Smoke or face amputation... I was devastated... All my other attempts to quit has failed...but...I had to try something... I was so desperate to succeed.. Tony had already been diagnosed with emphysema... And I still smoked...because I believed I couldn't quit... I had been given a old battered I pad to play about on,as I was not savvy...I decided to Google anything on the internet,that may give me some help I desperately needed.. I can across a forum...thought what have I got to lose ...somehow I managed to sign in ....and watch and listen.... A kind lady ...sent me a message today hello ...I explained to her I couldn't give me a name a ticker nothing...this lady took me under her wing ,set me up and running...I will always be in Nancy,s debt...my fairy godmother... It was a while before I posted I just watch and learned...I didn't sleep at all for a few weeks I read instead.... I Did my Daily NOPE...the days turned into weeks then into months...there was plenty of up and downs ,but I knew I had to plough on ,and as I was assured my those with more quit ..it would pass.... I was so proud to reach the Lido Deck....and I still feel that sense of pride ,4 yrs later.. Joining a forum ,posting ,making friends ,has made the difference to my having another failed quit ..to my success.. I have also been taught some niffty PC skills... I love being smoke free...and all the folks who follow me ,I want them to feel it too I wish to Thank Everyone who has sat on the train...newbies not so newbies ..oldies... You have helped me continue on my journey ..and I hope i have helped you in yours.. And all the folks who jump on the train in the future... You can do it...I did !!!! Xxxx
    24 points
  2. Today is my Mom's death day anniversary (lung cancer) She died the day before my youngest daughter's 6th birthday. For the next 4 years, my daughter cried herself to sleep the night before her birthday. (we never mentioned my mom at that time, she simply remembered) On her death bed, my mom asked me to to promise her I would quit smoking. I made that promise to her - never intending to keep it. That was 31 years ago.......... KTQ While I'm here................. I would like to say something to any lurkers reading this - I smoked for over 46 years (some people here have smoked even longer than that) I am a serial quitter with many failed attempts under my belt If you are here at the Quit Train, you probably are thinking about quitting I hate to sound cliche, but if I can do it - anyone can do it So please take a leap of faith, stop thinking about it, you can do it...you can quit smoking! You will find strength you never new you had One day at a time... some days may be rough, but sometimes life is rough There is always someone here for you, you will NEVER be alone in this Put down the excuses and do this for you!
    21 points
  3. We have several quitters here on the Train who are in the earlier stages of the quit. Godspeed newbies. I'm noticing some recurring themes and thought I would put in my two-cents. Quitting is simple if you don't complicate it. Quitting doesn't demand that you do anything. You're simply refraining from doing something you used to do. It makes no demands on your time and it's free. Don't stick a cigarette in your mouth and light it on fire. One-step and done. "I quit, but I still want to smoke." Of course you do, particularly in the early days. Old habits alone are hard enough to break. Throw addiction in the mix and now you've got yourself a situation that is going to want to hang on for a while. Be patient with the process and cut yourself some slack. If you wanted to smoke but didn't...congratulations, that's how you build a quit. "I want to get to that place of freedom." Look around; are you sure you're not already there? You used to smoke and now you don't. That's freedom. Some are celebrating making it through their first week others are commemorating five years. Just because someone started their journey before you doesn't mean you're not on the same trail. You've done a great thing for yourself, you quit smoking. You are already right where you need to be. Congratulations newbies. You've committed to a process that will reward you many times over. Take pride and enjoy the ride.
    20 points
  4. I haven't been around that much but I was here yesterday and was glad to see all of the long quits. I haven't written in a few years but would like to post a few thoughts about the quit process. Looking at the new and young quits, and the never-ending fight to gain a foothold on the sticky quit, I just wanted to let the newer quits I see on the QT know, that you'll get there too, by sticking to your plan and what you will learn as you stay quit. This is only a mind game, where your self control is being tested constantly. It wears on you as you overcome the triggering of craves through attrition, trying to process them simply as your mind/body healing itself naturally through recognition and reaction. That someting so elementary is so taxing is hard to understand sometimes. It really requires no action other than acknowledgement of the particular craving and the processing of it. Repetition is the key. The first triggers and craves that you will defeat are the ones you encounter the most. The most infrequent ones are the last to fall, and they do, through repetition. If you will just keep doing your normal daily and nightly activities sans the nicotine delivery, eventually you'll roll over the addiction and leave it behind. Sounds overly simplistic reading this but remember that you will trigger and crave and try to understand what caused it. Don't be alarmed and dont make a hasty judgement, because sometimes you can't put your finger on the particular cause to your effect. Could be romancing the cigarette subconsciously and missing that old smoky life, since things have changed and you don't know who you are sometimes. I mean you were this... smoker... and now maybe scared and are wanting to go back to what you see as normal. That is when you get tough and remember that you control your own mind and heart and that you call the shots. It's okay to feel weak, but know that you didn't get this way in a few days so it will take a few months of honest work to get out of the hole. You will make it, even if you feel like you won't. This will not kill you but it will make you unbelievably strong if you'll just stick to your quit plan and your back up plan, and allow yourself some time to heal. So be militant anti smoking, and remember that you are in a fight and that you are unwinding your whole being from the addiction so walk like it and act like it. Once smoking and cigarettes were every part of you, and now...well now they are not. That hurts and that is painful, but it is the work you have to do, so let the process work. Pay it forward, and stay as strong as you can as you use what you have learned. And if you fall, it isn't the end. You start again. A dream becomes a wish, and that wish becomes your reality as you work the quit. Time is on your side now, so dont give that addiction any more of you. You're in control of your mind and body and you've taken the chains off. Don't put them back on. KTQ,
    20 points
  5. *A lifetime of freedom from nicotine. *Worldwide support from members in all phases of quitting and who know and can relate to what you may go through at any given time in your quit. *Tons of educational material about our addiction to nicotine. Be it by reading, watching videos or asking other members. We have it all So what do you have to lose by becoming a member?
    19 points
  6. Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead! This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed). Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was. Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying. I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing. I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief! Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable. I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke. Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about. So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed. Hang in there, folks! You can DO this!
    19 points
  7. Good morning fellow NOPErs and a special Good Morning to anyone out there lurking and considering joining or re-joining us because this one is especially for you... Thanks to the American calendar of days I now know that today is All or Nothing Day .... this is a concept as old as time but the Romans were the first to coin a special term for it... “Carpe Diem” or seize the day. All Or Nothing Day takes that spirit and urges people to break through their barriers, ignore the fears that hold them back, and make that big commitment to a better life. Everyone has something they would love to do if only they weren’t so scared. All Or Nothing Day is the day for the girding of loins, taking it on the chin, and confronting those fears. As it says, by breaking the deadlock you may end up with all or nothing, but at least the barrier is broken. You succeed or fail, but are no longer paralysed by indecision.... so why not Seize the Day and make 26th July the first day of your quit, the first day you pledge NOPE, Not One Puff Every, even if its just for the day... then I'll see you right back here same time tomorrow so we can pledge it again for another 24 hours. NOPE ... cos nothing controls my life but me o Topic of the Day: Mythical Creatures
    19 points
  8. Growing up in the 70's and 80's of course I had heard all of the talk about cigarettes being a "health hazard". As a thirteen year old this meant little to me as I snuck around getting cigarettes from wherever I could and hiding wherever I could to get my little fix. I was already addicted and I used to hang my head outside the toilet window and smoke. As if no-one knew. They knew they just didn't know what to do about it and neither did I, even at that early point I knew I was hooked. While I wasn't pleased about being hooked, I did seem to enjoy them. In fact I seemed to enjoy them a whole LOT! First thing in the morning I'd dream of my morning cigarette even before I climbed out of bed. This ritual continued for 30 years. Every now and then I would think I'd need to give up smoking. I'd try, fail and then rationalise that I seemed to be breathing ok so maybe I would get away with smoking without bad consequences. At 40 years old I did regular kickboxing classes and I could kick the asses of a lot of people who were younger than me. I continued to think if I kept physically fit, smoking would not hurt me. I was wrong. At forty I injured my back and then developed a disease that affected my joints. I could no longer work out and walking even was tough at times. I did all of the therapies I could to help myself but struggled with quitting smoking. Seven years on and I am approaching 50. I finally kicked smoking but have lingering effects of 30 years of smoking. I seem to be paying more than the mere monetary cost of cigarettes which mind you is almost the cost of rent at $360 per fortnight for a pack a day habit. My health is not good but it's not quite bad enough to get disability support. I've cut down my working hours so I don't have a full income. I never did pay off a home or save much money due to a lifetime of slavery to an addiction. I've reached a point where I should be slowing down due to health issues yet I can't due to my financial situation. Smoking seriously impacted my finances long term. It is only occurring to me now what all those years of smoking really did cost besides money. Seriously, my health to some degree, my ability to support myself (feel safe and trust in my own abilities). I've not included in this the extra odd wrinkle. If this post sounds negative, I make no apologies. It is reality. Only 10 years ago I thought I had everything sorted, with good health and the ability to look after myself. Would things have been easier if I'd have stopped then? Perhaps, I can't be sure. While I always avoid lecturing people, I think in this area I've somewhat earnt the right to lecture. So youngin's listen up (and us dumb older ones) do not continue to smoke if you are smoking and do not have the first one if you are quit. You may regret it more than you can know at this point in time. I also wanted to mention that I am doing well despite the trials I have had. I have a pretty full life. I work, have lots of friends and am also doing uni. I look after myself with a great diet and am hoping this will serve me into old age. While I don't kickboxing, I do yoga and ride my push bike and the elliptical at the gym.
    19 points
  9. Posted 12 April 2014 - 09:56 PM It's no big deal to be an Old Pharte. Sure, it's nice to achieve that milestone and receive all the accolades, but it's not hard anymore to not smoke. By one year, you are far into your new life as a nonsmoker and you don't have to struggle to stay that way. By one year, the benefits of your quit have improved your life and your lifestyle. You are reminded every single day how great it is to be a nonsmoker. Your bank account is bigger and your health is better. And for many of us, there is a whole new way of life outside of just getting rid of the cigarettes. We have discovered new activities we love, we eat better, we have a new found confidence, we're proud of ourselves. What's so hard about all this? You know who are MY heroes? That person who has been lurking here and has finally made the choice to quit. And those who just got past that magic 72 hour mark, or hit their one month milestone. My heroes are the people who have blind faith and believe us when we tell them it will get better. It's those who get up every morning and log onto the QSMB to make the daily pledge because they know that's the only thing that will keep them from smoking that day. It's the person who is out the door to buy cigarettes but instead turns around and posts that SOS. Newbies, you are why this board is here. You are the ones that are the big deal here! So, cheers to all those brave souls who one day will join us on the lido deck. You're in the trenches now, but keep on climbing and if you need help reach out and we'll grab your hand. Because you are why we do what we do.
    18 points
  10. So you've relapsed again for the umpteenth time. You come to the board admitting your failure and get a mixture of responses. Some positive and it makes you get right back to your quit. Some negative and you're afraid to post or start again because you'll only fail and upset people. But the truth is, who cares what we think? It's your life, your quit. You decide when you're ready to quit. We offer the support, along with a huge library of education. We also offer a ton of socializing topics to help distract you and keep your mind off smoking. Please remember that we have lots of "chronic" relapsers who finally found their forever quit and so can you. Never Give up giving up.
    18 points
  11. 18 points
  12. 18 points
  13. Hellllooooo ! so excited, I was a member of qsmb. Today I have been quit smoking 18 months, so I thought I would send a post to them... but they had gone, but then I found Quit Train, and started recognizing names, especially my lovely, lovely friend Jillar, oh just missed you all so much. Here is the piece I wrote, with love. Hi to everyone, there may some of you who remember me, and I know there will be many people who were lost souls, living in a fog of cigarette smoke and laying in there beds at night wheezing. But now you have discovered this forum and you are no longer alone, you are amongst people you will probably never meet, but these people will come to represent some of the most life changing and influential people you will ever bond with in your lives. I love them all, if it wasn’t for these people and this message board, I wouldn’t be able to hold my head up high today and yell from the rooftops, I am 18 months smoke free! I smoked for 42 years, during the bad times I was on 40 a day, during the good times it was probably 8 a day. I can still remember the exact moment I had my first cigarette, I was 16, in a night club, dancing to my beloved Tamla Motown music, spinning around under the disco ball, young free and single, little did I know that was the last freedom I would have for 42 years, because from that day on I was a slave to cigarettes. It is only now that I realised how smoking dictated my life on so many levels. The freedom I feel today is sensational, and it is all down to this forum, thank you so much QSMB. In 4 weeks’ time I will celebrate my 60th birthday, my life could have been so different, it fills my heart with great sadness at what I feel I have missed out on, all because of my addiction to cigarettes. I am now waiting to see a lung person, the waiting list here in the UK, is about 20 weeks, I will not be priority because I am considered old at 60 (I am not old! I am a skipping and prancing bunny!) I am fat (I am not fat, I am a voluptuous temptress who knows a bit about life) and because I am an ex smoker and nothing that my over active and joyously bizarre mind can come up with, will change that fact. Yes I regret starting to smoke, but I have made the decision not to beat my self up about it, what is the point, it wont do any good, I have done what I have done, it is what it is, and now I find myself on a consultants waiting list, there will be tests, and talks and x rays et al, but nothing will change what I have done to my body and my life, my fault, no one else’s. I get a tightness in my chest that seems to be set off mostly by stress – I have mental health issues – I failed miserably in a lung function test a couple of months ago, it was so poor the nurse thought the machine was faulty (!) I now have an inhaler, but I don’t use it every day. I still go to the gym and nearly kill my self with the tread mill set to the highest incline, I push 66 kilo with my legs 30 times – I love that machine, it nearly makes me faint, and I swim for about 45 minutes, and I know I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was still a smoker. So, there is all this smoking related crap going on in my life, but now I have the freedom of not wondering when and where my next cigarette will come from, I have more money, further enabling myself and my gorgeous Colin to work through our bucket list. My skin is now really great, some of my few wrinkles have disappeared which was something I didn’t think possible, I am still fat because chocolate tastes so damn good now. My family are so pleased I have stopped, even though I had tried to be a secret smoker, I realise now I must have been such an embarrassment to them – my brother in law is a scientist into smoking related illnesses and condition, he has written books, is always on the radio and writes articles for the Times and the Independent newspapers, and he gives talks. I must say, he is rather ecstatic with me. I never smoked in front of my children or grand children. So, please put yourself through this journey (I hate the “this journey” thing but it works in this instance,) it ruins your health, people judge you, it upsets those who love you the most, it steals your money , it detrimentally affects every single bit of your body in ways you are not aware of . It is destructive and vile, it is a poison and a demon, it eats you away, bit by bit, subtly at first and as you age it gains momentum, I feel stupid and saddened and angered at my own idiocy, I feel enraged with myself. I am so pleased I am an ex smoker I quite enjoy smugly telling people this. Please use this forum, I couldn’t of done it without the wonderful people here. They care, they have been where you are right now, they will offer advice, friendship and support. You will develop a sense of belonging, a glorious feeling of positivity. You can do it, yes, you really can, and people here at QSMB will gently hold you and protect you, and care about you. Please do it. Please stop smoking. Lot’s of love and big squish cuddles and kisses, Diane xxx
    18 points
  14. Begins with a single step. I took that single step May 29, 2016. The thing is I knew way before that day that I needed to quit smoking. Heck my doctor had told me I had 10-12 years left to live if I didn't quit just a month prior. He was my replacement doctor for my doctor who had moved on to other things and I instantly didn't like him. He was so mean but also so honest, I knew I needed to quit. My breathing was suffering. I was wheezing and the phlegmy cough, yuck. But then the addict in me would say it's all good, my dad's side die in their early 60's so that too will be my fate. I'm ok with that, after all there's a lot of people up there I'm eager to see. So what made me quit that Sunday May 29, 2016? A few things really. My poor hubby just hated the phlegmy cough and the wheezing. I also was mad at my Dr. for claiming my demise when in fact he had no way of knowing. So I quit. But I didn't tell anyone, with the exception of telling my hubby at about the 28 hour mark. I figured as long as I didn't tell anyone I wouldn't let anyone down. I had no plan, no procedures in place, nothing. The first couple of days weren't as bad as I thought. By day 3 though my body was jonesing for its fix. My tongue was sore so I Googled it which led me to my future message board. The next symptom for me was bleeding gums then insomnia. As each of these happened Google led me to the same board of people who had experienced the same things I had. So knowing that I wasn't that special snowflake eased my mind immensely. But then something else happened. As I began to read the replies to the various posts I was reading I found that I wasn't dwelling on my quit. I was getting a reprieve from the 24/7 thoughts of smoking. So I read. Discussions, celebrations, socializing. I read it all and was glued to the board I had found yet remained a lurker there. Then one day a member posted an SOS and I got to watch everyone rally to help this member through. I registered right then and there and an old pharte named Bassman was the first to welcome me and friend me. I wasn't alone in my fight anymore......
    18 points
  15. Just got back from donating blood. As a person who is at least 28 days from getting COVID-19 and now fully recovered, I am eligible for donating plasma that researchers will test on people who are critically ill. Would be great if it helps....fingers crossed.
    17 points
  16. Did I smoke today? It is the one and only question that matters when quitting. I've seen some recent posts in which people call themselves "bad quitters" because they craved and/or romanced the cigarette during their quit. There is no such thing as a "bad quitter." There are only successful quitters and smokers. If you craved a cigarette but didn't smoke, you are a successful quitter. If it took you a while to rewire your brain about the realities of cigarettes but you didn't smoke, you are a successful quitter. Smoking is an addiction. Cigarettes are something we conditioned ourselves with for years. Quitting is a process. If the process was a bit more difficult for you than others. If it took you a little while longer to turn the corner than others. If you really, really, really wanted to smoke a cigarette. If you were grouchy, bordering on homicidal, during parts of your quit...If any of these conditions applied and you stayed true to your commitment and did not smoke, congratulations. Your quit is every bit as much of a successful quit as anyone else's. To smoke or not to smoke...it is the only question that matters when quitting.
    17 points
  17. 17 points
  18. G’day NOPE starts this day C
    17 points
  19. I'm not smoking for today
    17 points
  20. 17 points
  21. G’day well it that time of the day, time to think about smoking.... NOPE thats it, all done, till tomorrow morning C
    17 points
  22. G’day short, sweet, simple.....NOPE C
    17 points
  23. Good morning fellow NOPErs.... and welcome to the New Year... happy Hogmanany for our lovely Scottish contingent, you guys do this changing of the year better than anyone else in the world. So as we close the door on 2018 and reflect on all the joys, sadness, hopes, achievements and new friendships and memories made just think how much better 2019 will be. Did you know that 1 January is Commitment Day??... celebrated since 1960 Commitment Day as an extension of the tradition of New Year’s Resolutions—however, commitments are different from resolutions in that they are more often made to people, so they can benefit others as well as you! So you might take 5 minutes to turn to your significant other and repeat the commitment you made to them even decades earlier... or you may turn to your kids and commit to spending an hour with them a day.. every day... for the year... it may just be sitting down and having a chat in a cafe... or taking a walk in a park, or doing a jigsaw or a project together... or you may like to commit to a charity, commit to writing 1 letter a week for amnesty international, or commit to participating in Relay for Life, or a trek or a marathon.... or you may commit here to your fellow quitters to NOPE... and if your lurking, you may commit to not smoke... however you celebrate commitment day may you gain from your commitment. NOPE.... lived it every day of 2018.... gunna live it every day of 2019
    17 points
  24. G’day Never took a selfie before. Had a try tonight. Suppose I had this idea that I’d look great .....like some of those shots of my niece with the big eye shots. How do they do that? chucked most in the bin! Finally used the last one. Well... would be better with a full beard, but I’ll have to keep it short till the next OP. The Tam well why not... 6 generation Aussie Scott. That beard was ginger once.... Now it’s pretty much silver. The little wee one next door, little miss 4 is a little worried about the loss of the beard might have an impact on her presents at Christmas... Plus she’s off to New Zealand this year to be with extended family... ive promised Christmas will happen even in NZ. Just my luck someone going to tell her the truth... and she’s old enough to understand.... C
    17 points
  25. It's an addiction Kdad, plain & simple and we are all nicotine addicts. Weak moment years down the road - too much to drink at a social gathering & someone offers a smoke and you momentarily think; "I beat this smoking thing for years. I can have one .... it won't hurt". You have one or even a few drags and it awakens your junkie brain. A day or two later you buy a pack thinking you can just have another one. Surely you could smoke just one a day and not 20 or 30 like you used to. Within a week you're back up to a pack a day and the regret over what you did is crushing. It's really easy to maintain your quit once you have a full year or more under your belt but you must always guard against doing something foolish on a whim. People don't smoke years after they quit because they have some overwhelming urge to smoke again. It's always something that starts out very innocently but ends up badly. The circumstances vary but the story is always the same ..... I thought I could have just one!
    17 points
  26. 17 points
  27. NOPE - nothing good comes from smoking.
    17 points
  28. ** WARNING ** - I am about to talk about the death of friends and loved ones so if this is a sensitive issue for you please don't read. I was Quit 26 days... and struggling with the quit, that third week had been hell on earth. It felt like every other minute I was fighting the urge to light up. There were two voices in my head Notsmokin Jo (NSJ) who does not smoke and Smokin' Jo (SJ) who does and boy was that Smokin' Jo loud and persistent about being heard and fed her addiction... and then at 10.30pm on day 26 my phone rang... and I dropped everything and went to my friends place... her husband had gone for a drive with his brother 3 hours early and not come home.... the internet was full of news of a horrific accident in our area..... the footage looked like it might be the car.... so while we went to the police station and my daughter stayed with her besty and her grandparents and we went to the cop shop.... the whole time SJ is in my head... "OMG this is serious shit, you can't do this you need a smoke. Like now. If you smoke you will be able to focus on what you need to do... you are such a selfish friend, how can you help if your don't have a smoke to calm the f down... enough of this quit bullshit, you need to get your act together and have a smoke then sort this stuff... you can't help if you don't smoke" ...on and on it droned along the same theme... I heard it as I sat on the floor of the cop shop cradling my friend who had collapsed.... I heard it as I drove her home.... I heard it as we sat at the table and she chain smoked and we watched my daughter hold her daughter in her arms and rock themselves to sleep... I heard it as we realised her lovely, smiley, beautiful husband was not going to come through the door any minute and laugh at us for being so silly.... I heard it as I pried his half melted keys from her hand... and as I washed and dressed her hand where the jagged edges had dug in because she was squeezing them so tight... and as I waited for the girls to fall asleep and then put out her kids chrissy presents because she couldn't go into her bedroom.... as I drove home and got my kid's pressies from Santa and put them out at her house.... as I watched her four year old ask again and again when daddy was coming home... as I watched her throw her laptop across the room so she did have to read the filth and vitriol of internet heroes trashing her dead husbands name..... as I said goodbye and drove my daughter to her dads, then my dads, then back to her dad's..... as I missed my family christmas to drive to the airport to get her mum... and drove home with her mum chain smoking in the car re-living the night before the whole time.... holding my baby while she wailed at life being unfair and how could this happen and why her friends and then after she ignored me and looked it up on the internet why people were saying horrible things about him and then the day she really broke, the day someone told her he was still alive and banging on the window as the car burnt and she had watched the footage on the internet of the car burning....and the months of nightmares..... SJ begged and pleaded and wheedled... "go on have one, just one, you know you want it, you need it".... and every time I fought the urge because that was the only thing I could control.... then on the morning of my one month anniversary the phone rings.... my uncle overseas, the oldest, has fallen and hit his head and is a coma.... so I had to watch my dad contemplate the first of his siblings to die since he was an adult... and know he couldn't for health reasons fly over.... every phone call... he is getting better.... he is worse..... come now.... every call that awful, whiny voice was begging me to smoke... but I held out... one New Years Day when the phone rang and he was gone.... watching my dad shut down... watching his other siblings who couldn't go fall apart or turn into agro nutcases.... it was just too much... but I fought the urge... and I kept my quit. It was hard, it was a battle, and truthfully it was a close call. These were real craves, not just passing thoughts... these involved sweat and determination to beat.... because my brain had been programmed that when the shit hits the fan you have a smoke (or 3) and then deal.... but I had none... I sat surrounded by smokers and did not have one... I did not increase the number of NRT I was having... if anything I decreased it.... but it was hard and for 3 weeks it felt constant. But I was not going to cave because it was the one thing in a time of chaos I had control over. I think the whole second month of my quit was one big, long, agonising crave... constantly, all day, go on, go on, go on, go on, every waking moment and if you were around the first 5 months of my quit you knew there was a hell of a lot of waking moments... on average there were 20 of those in a day..... but I fought every single one of them and I don't even really know why.... wait yes I do... it was the only thing I could control. Then yesterday morning I get a phone call... and I just knew it was bad.... so my little cousin (35) had died of an overdose. I don't know yet if it was deliberate or accidental. But he didn't deserve to go out that way.... no one does... well maybe the real scum of the earth... but he gave back, he cared for his mum... drove over 3 hours each way every couple of days to check up on her or have dinner with her or make sure she was doing ok... he spent his weekends with her most of the time... he had been clean for years.... it just doesn't make sense.... but what did I do... I went about doing a load of washing and going to softball and cooking tea and chatting on here and doing a painting and going to sleep and going to a party and then I left the party and headed home and I lost it... bawled like a baby all the way home from the farm, I dunno how I even saw to drive my eyes were so red and swollen when I got home.... and the whole time my baby sat next to me and didn't know what to do.... she said the silent tears were the worst... but do you want to know what I didn't do? I did not fight a crave.... not one..... not once did I even get an inclining to have a smoke... not one smoking related thought at all.... HOW COULD THIS BE???????... earlier in the year I had faced a constant barrage.... like bullets from a machine gun those craves pummeled me... sure it was much earlier in my quit.... but nothing, not one single thought, whisper, suggestion for anything smoking or nicotine related. You see those of us who have been on the quit train for a while tell you rewards are important its all about re-wiring your brain and the nicotine receptors.... teaching your brain that smoking isn't how we reward ourselves or celebrate... in the same regards the reason the first year is so important is because we have to experience so many firsts without nicotine... season changes, holidays, stresses..... and we have to rewire our brains, rewire the triggers.... so why was there nothing this time.... its because the silver lining of the horror I ended and started this year with rewired every single receptor in my brain and trigger to do with dealing with death... all of them... so this time when the idea and concept of smoking and a nicotine fix didn't even exists... and so the silver lining of this horror is that I know how strong my quit is... I know I can face death and loss and not have to worry about facing my addiction at the same time because those receptors have all be erased and rewired to something else... a new inner strength, maybe? .... but I don't really care what it is because this is the final proof I needed that this time, this quit, this is the forever, sticky quit and while I'm only 11 months free.... I feel way beyond... whole, major sections of my brain don't even recognize nicotine's existence.... sure I'd rather still have my friend, and my uncle, and my cousin.... would probably even trade my quit for them to be here.... but giving up my quit wasn't going to bring them back or help me cope.... silver linings people... they are in any and every situation... mine in this instance are purely selfish.... but I would rather think that its the last gift these three amazing men gave me in their lifetimes... and I will treasure it always. So newbies, and lurkers.... and the in-betweenies.... sometimes the re-wiring hurts, it cuts a deep raw wound straight through the center of your being... but those nicotine receptors do get rewired... so its up to you... are you going to do the work to re-wire... it starts with the rewards... oh yay I went an hour without a smoke... I'm going to eat this lovely strawberry / candy / celery stick.... whatever... but do something... every hour.... every two hours...every 12.... every day.....every week.... every milestone you pass.... because regardless of what shit life throws at you there is a nicotine receptor in your brain waiting to exploit it.... and you need to take the control back and re-wire those. Because it can be done.... it is done.... every day by the members here who travel this train.... get rid of the smokes and the vapes and start re-wiring.... you have the power within you to totally change your life and your brain... how fricking amazing is that!
    17 points
  29. Gday NOPE gets this day started C
    17 points
  30. 17 points
  31. 17 points
  32. I had a craft show today, sometimes if it's a show close to her house, my sister will come halfway through the show to give me a bathroom break - (and used to be a smoke break, too). She came in and sat down & the smoke smell nearly gagged me! I looked around because I felt like my fellow crafters sitting beside & behind me were probably ready to hurl also. Normally it doesn't bother me at all. I was actually embarrassed. The smell dissipated after awhile, but YUCK. I sure am glad I never smelled like that!!!!!!
    17 points
  33. Moving day and it’s NOPE!
    17 points
  34. NOPE! Never on Hump Day!!
    17 points
  35. Seems like I get around to this every six weeks or so. Lazy sod! Last time I did one of these at 10 weeks in, I talked about how quitting was pissing me off, it felt like a daily grind and I was tired, but kind of seeing some benefits at the same time. So what have the last six weeks brought? I had more tough times, particularly in the early part of the period, but participating here, with friends, helps immensely. I'm still having urges to smoke at times, particularly related to those things that I'm starting to do for the first time since quit, now that spring has sprung. Fortunately having read about it here, I was ready for it. At ten weeks I thought those urges to smoke were between 50% and 75% the intensity compared when I first quit. The really good news now is that this has become much easier, probably no more than 50% intensity. I still have to be on my guard, I still have to make the smart choice, but I am better equipped to do so. Little successes have helped. Out drinking recently and wandering home with people outside the pub smoking, I had a wouldn't that be good moment. I actually, for the first time, truthfully answered my own question with a "No, it wouldn't". Even in my slightly inebriated state I could recognize it would have tasted like crap and would have made me feel like crap the next day, without even getting into the tossing the quit question. The morning after the night before the conviction wasn't quite as strong, but easily dealt with. And in the last 4 weeks I have really noticed a change in my breathing. It is easy in a way I don't ever remember. So, first 3.5 months have been about survival and nurturing the quit. I understand when people talk about romancing the cigarette, because I still do to a degree, that's still a work in progress. The last couple of weeks though has been the first time I'm feeling truly happy about being smoke free. So now for the big one, I have committed to myself that the next 4 months I need to be smoke free. The posts from Sazerac about treating yourself, well I've taken it to heart and have gone big. The next 4 months smoke free = Payment for 1 charity trek for me to The Grand Canyon in October I wouldn't have done this before, but what the hell, I'm saving that money, I get to help a kids charity and it sounds like an awesome trip. Now all I need to do is lose some of this bloody weight before hand. Chat to you around the 6 month mark my friends!
    17 points
  36. Just about to turn the phone off for the dawn service but need to do this Today as I stand and watch the sun rise as and remember all those who will never see it again i say NOPE and I will never forget. LEST WE FORGET Topic of the day: tba
    17 points
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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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