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Showing content with the highest reputation since 07/24/19 in Blog Comments

  1. 6 points
    So I did start my new AM routine this morning and have to say - I feel really good and proud of myself! I found something nice on from the Livestrong foundation by the YMCA that seems perfect and low impact. I even have a new checklist to go down each AM to start my day. When I wake up I drink 8oz of water 1st thing. I don't chug it but just drink it and then use mindful breathing for 5 min. I make sure I eat protein, veggies and good fats for breakfast. Then rest and do some more mindful breathing before I start my exercises. Practicing my balance, the wall and clock crawl. Simple leg lifts to standing on one leg and then the other. Breathing exercises that are mindful for sleep and stress. They even have a cooling breath for those hot flashes!! Simple but useful things like hand and toe curls and using a stress ball. I really think this will be so helpful in just my new daily morning and evening routine. (or whenever I feel like it) At the end there is a fatigue assessment test to take and I have to admit on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst I would say I'm at a good 5 at the moment. Everything just feels right!! I know over time I will work myself up and get stronger and just the effort is the payoff! I think I have started to find that new balance and just had to share!! My mind is so at peace right now and I don't feel all jittery like I have to go clean something lol. I just feel good!!
  2. 6 points
    Well - 2AM finds me this time but that's ok. I got a lot of much needed R&R yesterday so it's a nice even balance I guess. I just woke up with so many ideas and things I want to do that I just couldn't lay still any longer. After today's treatment I will only have 3 left!! They said within the next coming weeks I should notice a bit more side effects in the fatigue department and again the possible loss of hair. Friday will be my 1st 'alone' day and I plan to start the exercise program to help build and keep the muscles which also help fight the fatigue as much as possible. Not a bad routine to slip into my daily zipping around. I just need to make sure I recognize what my limits are and not push the bounds too much. That new A/C unit just rocks! I mean those guys really went above and beyond! The APCO-X air treatment system with the blue light at the top and bottom is like night and day! It even has a huge X in the middle for - X-MEN lol! But when they talked about the change and smell in the quality of the air of course I was a bit hmmm. But no lie - the air itself does have this 'smell' it's hard to describe. I don't want to say medicinal but that's the only thing I really can relate it to just CLEAN. The installers all have this blue light system in their own homes and admit due to my condition this is a higher grade and that I should notice a difference in no time. Boy were they right! The filter itself only needs to be changed twice a year so we have it all set up on a service plan to where they handle it all for us so no fuss no muss! You can even see the blue light glowing from the bottom almost like a night light in the hallway - it's pretty cool. The BF is ready to get painting on the inside of the house and knock a few rooms out over the weekend. I'll stay at my mom's of course but I need to find my color! You know it has to be all about the color at least lol! I figured I could grab me a nice filtered mask while at the hardware store and start caulking up some of the kitchen and bathroom seams. Nothing back breaking, I'll leave the base boards and bending over parts for him to do lol. Then hit the last few cabinets in the kitchen where all the missing parts of the pots and pans and odds and ends seem to end up and give them a good toss. Easy peasy stuff really. The next ticket item on the list is a new - well newer fridge I should say. I know ours has got to be at least 15yrs old. Single door with all the missing trays and slats definitely time for an upgrade to the double doors. Figured we'd hit the scratch and dent sale as were slowly finding with all the new foods there just isn't enough room to hold it all w/out it spilling out every time we open the door and it's just not functional any more plain and simple. And ah the recipes I've been googling and how to store my fruits and veggies properly to get the best shelf life is definitely my new 'obsession'. Another new notebook to add just for food!! I've been just making lists of the good vs the bad foods. Playing with all different menus for breakfast lunch and dinner. Trying to find that good balance so there is a nice solid 'weekly' menu in place that can be switched up with out having to put all this research into it later. Just really trying to get ahead and stay ahead of this fight I have. I've been trying to find as much as possible about this 'gene' thing as I can. I've tried to stick to the .orgs vs all the others for now and so far this is what I have found in regards to taking a pill a day vs the whole chemo route: with this 'lock and key' targeted therapy. Again - it's a deep rabbit hole and each gene apparently has it's own symbol (which I'm very curious to know about.) My appt. on the 28th is to go over a discuss everything in GREAT detail. Exactly which drug, which gene, all the possible side effects and so forth. I'm glad my sister/notetaker will be back in town or that part!! But so far this is what I have found - again without plunging too far down that great rabbit hole just yet: Monoclonal antibodies that deliver toxic molecules can cause the death of cancer cells specifically. Once the antibody has bound to its target cell, the toxic molecule that is linked to the antibody—such as a radioactive substance or a poisonous chemical—is taken up by the cell, ultimately killing that cell. The toxin will not affect cells that lack the target for the antibody—i.e., the vast majority of cells in the body. Now this treatment also has it's side effects as well - The most common side effects seen with targeted therapies are diarrhea and liver problems, such as hepatitis and elevated liver enzymes. Other side effects seen with targeted therapies include: Skin problems (acneiform rash, dry skin, nail changes, hair depigmentation) Problems with blood clotting and wound healing High blood pressure Gastrointestinal perforation (a rare side effect of some targeted therapies) This is where it's very KEY that I take care of myself - body, mind and spirit. Eat the right foods, doing my exercises and everything else on MY PART that I possibly can when it comes to my Battle Royal Deadpool Style. Just something I thought was pretty interesting. The more I find out the more I will be able to post about in greater detail. But until that appt. comes there's no use in fretting over what I cant control. Like sleep - so I'll just 'roll with it' as best I can until then. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! The weekend is almost here and another beautiful sunrise awaits us all!! Team Deadpool over and out!
  3. 5 points
    I am responding here to this post of yours "As a smoker for 38 years I appreciate this thread because I struggle and struggle and relapse and relapse, then find myself wondering why others are able to stay quit and why I give in to the junkie thinking and make the choice to smoke again ("just one last pack because ABC") over and over and over again, fully aware of what I'm doing but "feeling" powerless to stop (note I am aware I'm "feeling" powerless, not truly powerless in reality) Please don't read into this post as giving myself an excuse to relapse. Thats not what I mean. I mean, I am trying not to kick myself in the head everytime I relapse, but to stay aware of the fact that when you smoke for as long as some of us have smoked, its going to be hard, its going to be tough and instead of hating on ourselves and criticizing ourselves (that will lead to giving up trying) its better to acknowledge that its going to continue to be hard and that its time to try something different...take suggestions...try new things to avoid giving in. I need to shake up this quit. I'm tired of coming in here with a new quit over and over again. Its embarrassing and humbling for sure. ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... and my response... Being honest with myself and using self critique as a tool has only led to me being a better human being to myself and others. Truth is my friend. How can it not be ? @MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore, you've been coming here since March 2015. This weekend I read over a lot of your old threads looking for a clue as to why you won't keep a quit. Perhaps, you can find the clue. Here they are. You have to stop ******* around if you actually want to quit smoking. This isn't rocket science. I smoked for over 45 years. I thought I was 'a dedicated smoker' until I learned I was just addicted and no more addicted than any other nicotine addict on the planet. None of us are special snowflakes. Yes, I had some gnarly hours, days, weeks, months but, so what ? I wasn't being bombed, wasn't in ER, wasn't starving to death. What else was I doing with my time ? Feeding addiction or learning how to Live FREE ? This is all about addiction and the education thereof. I am not stronger, smarter or, better than any other nicotine addict. The only difference lays in the fact that I committed to myself, near on six years ago to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. NOT ONE PUFF EVER. This did not take Herculean Power, all it took was standing my ground, honoring myself and my commitment and blessed TIME. You know the drill. When will you honor a commitment to yourself and your quit ?
  4. 5 points
    Oh Michelle, I am so sorry to hear you have relapsed again. We are here for you but you don't even seem to reach out with an SOS. Your behavior is more like the drug addict. As long as you are isolated and don't have the means to get out, you are willing to attempt quitting. Knowing you are getting out, you are planning your next fix. That definitely is junkie thinking. I truly think you want to quit but you are not ready to commit. I think the first thing you should do, this quit, is go and read @hellkatbaby post from yesterday. It is the shocking reality of where this addiction will lead you. You can do this.
  5. 4 points
    Bald is beautiful.. it says I'm a fighter. It says I am strong. It says I have untold power and strength.... And yet it's still daunting when it happens, I was fine when the hair fell out had one if the kids I tutored buzz it off for me but the day I wiped my eyes and I was left with a handful of lashes, I broke....cried and cried and cried. Not sure what it's like where you are but over hear we have free wigs , if you want to go that way. Check with the support groups they will know what is out there. Just think, often it grows back differently, and you will have virgin hair again, never coloured or permed. Mine came back darker and curlier. Completely different.
  6. 4 points
    Thank you Jordan7 - I've always been one who really dives into strange rabbit holes however this one I am treading lightly as it can be a bit much to take all at once. I have been researching that Trial medication 'Memantine' and some of the case studies on it, especially after they said if they were to cut 1 drug that would be the one which made me stop and think 'ok wait a second - take it but don't take it.' Time to dig into that one - so all in all the studies are pretty much inconclusive. I then moved on to the side effects over time as you increase the drug dosage from one pill a day to 4 a day over time and they include: dizziness, headaches, constipation, fatigue, weight loss, swelling, increased heart rate and aggression. So in MY personal conclusion that is a big fat NOPE. You can keep that trial drug to yourself thank you very much! I'll stick with my puzzles and mind/memory games vs putting my body through all that crap. It is a healthy habit that even I forgot about and does make a huge difference. It's funny how we forget just the simplest of things while taking care of ourselves. For the most part all I drink now is water aside of a glass of orange juice. I even picked up some protein powder to make my shakes for the afternoons to help build that muscle mass I'm going to need. I think today I'll try the milk, banana and peanut butter one first - mmmm. Of course I picked the chocolate flavor!! Tonight we are doing a 'family' dinner vs going out. I'm having my son and mom over and just having a nice homecooked meal with everyone around the table and then break out the game boards! I might run by the goodwill when they open at 10 to see what board games they may have. Got to love a good thrift!!!
  7. 4 points
    I'm actually enjoying this relaxation thing. My body can feel it and is saying 'UM HELLO - THANK YOU!!' I don't feel near as tense or amped up and my back has already loosened up from just a few hours of chilling. We just put an an oldie but goodie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom! Some background noise to take a nice nap to. The pups are being sooo good. Definitely some rib bones coming out tonight when all is said and done. I did really well driving myself today, was a tad nervous but did just fine. I used to take that daily route every workday before they moved our office so being familiar with the area and knowing the backstreets helped a lot. Only 4 more radiation treatments left and each one seems to go by faster than the last. And talk about a small world!!! Turns out the A/C guys that are here doing the install happen to be an old friend from high school and his two sons! On top of my mom being close with the owner and them all knowing my situation just makes me that much more at ease!! I told them to just take run of the house and if they needed anything from us to just knock on the den door and let us know. It's so funny how things just seem to work out when they do even when everything else seems against you. I'm just going to enjoy the good vibes of this week and maybe even catch a kat-nap!!
  8. 4 points
    I wish you nothing but success in this crucial, life-affirming and life-saving enterprise. As you proceed, just be careful that you're not confusing your plans to quit and lessons learned from failed quits with actual abstinence and real success. I've seen people over the years sort of trick themselves into thinking they're making progress simply because they're able to talk about why they failed. I'm not suggesting that's the case here (as only you can make that determination, ultimately), but success in this endeavor is finally about being and staying completely smoke-free: that is the only criterion that really matters. Christian99 17 1/2 Years Quit
  9. 4 points
    Michelle, you're not the first one to relapse time and time again and you won't be the last. I wish you would treat our board like one of your meetings. Instead of smoking, come here to a "meeting". Have the same mentality you did for your other addictions and I guarantee you will be successful. Is it frustrating watching you give up so easily, yes, but that doesn't mean we're giving up on you. You can succeed you just need to believe in yourself.
  10. 4 points
    Michelle - I understand that junkie mentality all to well TRUST ME - just 1 and it will be ok, then 2 then a pack and back to full blown smoking, quitting, smoking UGH it's a vicious circle BTDT. It's denial ,denial, denial, no other way to put it. And you are right, it's something only YOU can have control over. There is no one there twisting your arm except your own mind. Step over to my thread for just a moment - hmm yup same threads/posts I used to avoid ALL THE TIME too because of that SAME denial and junkie mentality. Hopefully it will help you a bit or if nothing else scare the crap out of you. Either way the choice is always yours and I hope that you can stop this cycle for your own peace of mind. I'm finding we are all stronger then we think when it comes down to it.
  11. 3 points
    Thanks for checking in - I just ended up getting wrapped up in the day that was supposed to be 'relaxing' but turned out to be one of those unexpected busy days. Never did get any sleep much less to really sit down until bedtime at 11 and now it's 3AM again! SIGH.....my new 'wake up' time. Hopefully I'll catch some zzzz's around 4ish before the house starts buzzing when my BF wakes up. Oh how I made such a mess of things yesterday lol - I woke up to hair just pretty much coming everywhere and clinging to everything! So thought I'd take control and empower myself by just buzz cutting it. First I did take a little bit and saved a small pig tail of it. But ugh after that what a hot mess that turned out to be I started with the #2 guard and was like NOPE that looks really sloppy. Then moved to the #1 guard and things went from bad to worse! I finally gave up trying to be 'neat' about it and just swept it all up and threw it away. I never thought I'd do the wig thing but since my ins. is covering it and not costing me a dime I figured I'd take advantage of it. Then about the time I was going to eat and take a nap my phone started blowing up. It was my insurance letting me know the Dr's tried to put the claim under pharmacy and that was holding everything up. So rather than try and call them and sit on hold and the wait days for them to get to it I just drove up there and had them resubmit the claim correctly. While I was waiting the stylist went ahead and cleaned up my head for me - now it doesn't look like a 2yr old did it lol. But by the time she was done everything was already approved and I was able to walk out wearing the wig I picked out a few days before! So she spent a good 2hrs with me showing me how to take care of it etc. Then I actually ended up order another one before leaving just because! Both are by Raquel Welsh - the first one is called Show Stopper but the name is misleading. To me it's just a very casual just past the shoulders everyday look. But the 2nd one I chose was the Limelight - which is really long and curly and there's ALOT you can do with it. I go back Monday since they had to order that one. I'll post pics of what they look like at the bottom. But by the time I got home I realized quickly how hot a wig can be! I took that puppy off as soon as I hit the door and rocked the t-shirt turban all day. When I went to try it on to show my BF I realized I need lots more practice with these things. He really like it though! Said had he not known what my real hair looked like he would have never guessed it was a wig. But I went from a brunette to a red-head with high lights. Figured I might as well switch things up!! But to be honest the turbans and scarves seem way more comfy and easy for now. My sister got back in town tonight and wants me to come hang out at the river house with her tomorrow - I think a change of scenery will do me good and I can't wait to catch up with her. So I have all sorts of goodies packed for a day of just fun and sister stuff!!! Hopefully I'll be able to catch a morning nap this time before heading out. But if not I know I can just crash out there peacefully. Ohhhh and my Deadpool PJ's come today!! My BFF ordered them from Amazon so I'm super excited about that lol!! Still haven't gotten around to the mask yet - forgot about paint fumes/marker fumes so trying to figure out if I can just get colored duct tape and do it that way. I'm sure I'll think of something!! So until then TGIF everybody!! It's the weekend, time to relax and enjoy it because we earned it!! This is the 'show stopper' or casual and this is the 'limelight' a bit more dressier. Digging the red though.
  12. 3 points
    Round one complete, and it's Team Deadpool's hellkatbaby for the win!!! Ugh on the hair loss, but as everyone has said, it will grow back. It will be like that really short haircut you get and then aren't so sure about for a while, but it all works out. In the meantime, you are going to ROCK the bald and beautiful and will probably end up becoming a famous turban designer and we can all say we knew you when. Speaking of rocking it, Tank is owning those devil ears and what a sweet baby smile he has. Luna is gorgeous, too -- that's a beautiful pair of pups you have taking care of you. Time for more rib bones. Yoga on the beach sounds like a perfect way to relax, so hopefully your docs will give you the go ahead. Otherwise, maybe that group has other meet ups that you can attend until you're beach yoga ready.
  13. 3 points
    Their names are Tank (the rottie) and he's almost 6 and then our Big Booty Girl Luna who's almost 5 - we think she's part kangaroo part mastiff lol!! She really wants to help but she has no thumbs!! I know the hair will grow back but it's such a big step to think about shaving it just yet since the top is all still there. However the slightest movement or touch and the rest of the in- between layers are just all over my clothes, the floor - just everywhere which is why I just went to the shoulders and tucked it under the cap for now. I figured if it was still coming out like this over the next few days I'll go ahead and just have it buzzed off. I did some googling and found a place 5 min from me called 'in the pink' and they will do it at no cost. They also offer free yoga classes for cancer patients and survivors every Wednesday at the beach so I'll check with my Dr. to see if I can get the OK for something like that. It would be nice to get to socialize a bit and meet some new people who 'get it'.
  14. 3 points
    They are so cute. Love the devil horns. My Angel needs those. She looked like an Angel but I think she is the instigator in my pack. One looks like a big guy. How old are they? What are their names. You said they have been out of the crate. I don't think I will ever be able to take mine out of the crates. Those pups are the best medicine for you. Don't worry about the hair loss. My friends, who lost hers, during treatment, had it grow back much thicker and curlier. It was beautiful. Now is the time to rest and mentally prepare for the next battle. You are doing great.
  15. 3 points
    We'll be right beside you tomorrow, celebrating and ringing in the end of round one. Here's to you and to all of your spectacular tomorrows to come!
  16. 3 points
    I'm ready to find my zzzzz's again that's for sure! hopefully it will find me tonight . If the pups wake me again I just might start crating them at night. I hate to do that because they are really good and only falling into step with my whacked schedule and I feel safe with them but we ALL need to get on the right schedule again. Gotta love them though!! Today was a nice chill day - I didn't bother with any household chores aside of making something to eat and then turned my phone on silent and just relaxed without feeling a bit guilty about it. Even though I wasn't able to 'nap' I was able to recharge which is just as important. I still do my exercises and mindful breathing. Last night I was so relaxed afterwards I couldn't even bother to write in my journal - kept finding myself nodding off lol. I could crawl into bed right now honestly but holding off to see if I'll be able to sleep just a tad later. Tomorrow is my last day of radiation and I get to ring to bell from round 1!! I'm going to have the nurse use my phone to take a video of it of course and then take my mask home and get to work on detailing that sucker out Deadpool style! Then I'll have the next 2 weeks to get into a really good routine before round 2 starts. My sister should be back in town mid-week and I can't wait to just see her and just hang out. She texted me late the other night and seems their trip and turned into more of a nightmare and she is ready to get back to Florida and take a vacay from her vacay. and selfishly I'm ready for her to be back. So here's to tomorrow - me ringing the bell and getting my mask! Oh yea!!!!
  17. 3 points
    Glad your dinner came out well, it sounds yummy. A lot of your insomnia could also be related to quitting smoking. Most of us had some insomnia the first month or two of our quit but soon found our -zzzzzzz's again
  18. 3 points
    I'm actually learning to be a better cook but my BF is actually the 'chef' of the house which is great so I'm learning from him. Dinner went really well and they actually went back for 2nds! We grilled chicken, had some fresh snapped beans with bacon (a cheat day for me) and some stir fried rice! It was really good and plenty of left overs for tonight!! We plan to make this a weekly or bi-weekly thing from here on out with the family. Sleep will find me I know it will. Tonight the pups woke me at 2:30 wanting to go out. I think they are now on MY wacked out schedule lol. But it will level out in time and I'm curious to see if not taking that memantine and letting that get out of my system will help. After today I have 1 treatment left then 2wks of just me time before the next leg of the battle!! Today will be chillax day since we did so much yesterday and there's nothing left to clean or organize which is wonderful! All I have planned is to go to my treatment then back home to do my exercises and then hit the easy chair. I might even dive into a jigsaw puzzle or finally those coloring books. I used to love to paint but I can still draw so I might pick that up again! Hope everyone has a great week!! And remember to NOPE!!!
  19. 3 points
    I love the way you meet everything head on and throw yourself into researching, learning, and doing all you can to get yourself in the best physical and mental shape for this battle, and I have no doubt you will beat this every step of the way. So glad you have peace on mind and can relax today -- some days that's the best medicine of all. After I read your post, I went and filled my water glass, so thanks for the reminder to keep up this simple healthful habit. Wishing you a great relaxing and recharging weekend, with some fun thrown in.
  20. 3 points
    Jillar - I never even thought of that!! See - you people just rock with the ideas! I might not be able to walk the dogs (the heat is really bad) but it doesn't mean that I couldn't help in some of the other areas where there need a volunteer! Answer the phones or help with paper work or intake stuff. I will definitely check w/my Dr's 1st to see if that's ok even for just a few small hours a day! I think the biggest danger is me being a HUGH SOFTIE and accidently brining a new one home and saying BUT IT FOLLOWED ME!! . There was a time where I had sooo many animals people thought I was crazy. 3 ferrets, 3 cats and 2 dogs all at once! Now I was in my 20's at the time so it was much easier - but it all worked out and I loved every minute of it. My ex-husband was a tree surgeon so I've also raised baby squirrels and birds (I'm talking straight naked from the nest). The only thing he would not let me raise were the racoons which of course was the VERY thing I wanted to do!! I think the most 'exotic' pet I've had were sugar gliders - nocturnal but very cool! They even 'bark' and make this little noise that reminded me of a Pikachu character. Whoa - talk about going down memory lane! But on the bright side of things this AM - I slept til 4:15am! I didn't go to bed until almost midnight but I didn't wake up in between like normal so it feels like a full nights sleep almost. Ahhh yes! But the dreams are always strange, this time one of the tech's or Dr's had food poison and had thrown up all over my lab work. I just remember in the dream them telling me 'had it been just one more day' then I would have ended up with it and everything would have to be pushed back. More of a nightmare than a dream, but at least I was able to wake up from that! Also I don't feel that anxious this AM either - the need to wash that last dish I had or wipe down the counter just because. Very nice indeed. Just a small cup of coffee for comfort before I start my day. Also now that my steroid intake has been cut in 1/2 for the past week I don't feel as hungry as I used to. Before I was eating constantly and now it's tapered off enough it's a bit of a regular eating schedule of just good healthy foods. Also those steroids have their other 'side effects' that I've been taking Colace for so I have that bloated UGH feeling going on as I literally 'sit and wait' lol. So if nothing happens by today I will bring it up tomorrow with them just as a side note. Also they did mention if they were to cut back on any medication it would be that trial drug Memantine. It's not mandatory for me to take since it's a 'trial' non FDA approved so I need to do a bit more research on that before I think of upping the next dose as scheduled. The side effects only list dizziness and caution while driving - but again something I want to dig a little deeper into 1st before deciding. No big plans for today yet so we shall see where the morning takes us (with my wallet at home!). My mom is very active at the senior center and Friday's are her Mahjong day and I told her NOT to miss out on that. I'll be fine and will manage to keep myself busy - or maybe even chillax a bit more. But she insists on being at every treatment and Dr' appt. (same as I would for my son) and I'm so grateful for her being there and being so patient with me when I sometimes tend to 'lose it'. Oh and during my mass cabinet clean out yesterday I totally forgot about these 2 cabinets above my fridge because there was always so much crap cluttered on top. Well turns out I found 2 jigsaw puzzles, a jinga game and a crossword book along with a tiny little note book to carry in my purse! I don't know how many years those have been up there collecting dust but they are all cleaned up now and ready to play! One of the puzzles is double sided so it's really tricky and I remember it took us weeks to get it together so that might be a nice relaxing focal point for my day. I hope everyone has a great weekend! Remember to take time out for yourself and to stop and smell the flowers!!
  21. 3 points
    I'm getting there and fighting the whole way! I was able to sleep after my post last night even if it was for a short few hours it was nice! I'm holding out tonight hoping if I go to bed later then maybe I'll sleep a bit more. Worth a try at least. This AM after treatment I finally had to cave and go to Walmart. I needed to pick up on the bulk stuff and figured since it was early in the morning it wouldn't be to bad. Of course I ended up spending way more than I wanted (again). I've really got to get that under control lol. But nothing I got will go to waste for sure! I did pick up a $5 T-shirt that said 'I rolled my eyes so HARD I could see my brain!' I figured I'd wear that to tomorrows treatment . And I tossed a few yoga type pants in the basket since comfy style seems to be the easiest. Once I got back home though and started putting stuff away there was no stopping me - I was the little energizer bunny just pounding around the house. I feel like I'm going bonkers!! I must have re-arranged my kitchen cabinets 100x. Just crazy!! Like OCD type crap. I think I spent and hour on just arranging the spices alone.....WTH? I was such a creature of doing what I wanted, when I wanted and how I wanted and now I'm all Sally Homemaker and it's driving me nuts!! I want to go outside and take a walk but with the heat index at over 100* psht - NOPE! But I cant stay in these 4 walls much longer. I mean these daily trips here and there are fine (as long as I leave my wallet at home) but I want OUT! I feel I NEED to be doing something I just don't know what that is yet. I mean I'm being productive and active at least but I feel I just need something more. I guess with time and patience I'll figure it out. Baby steps. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!! Actually everyday for me is Friday it seems lol! And this weekend my son and I have our lunch or dinner date. That's that one time I don't worry about what I eat or think about what I'm going through - I just enjoy the time we have and make every second with him count. My sister should be back from out of town by next week and regardless of how things went before she left I really cant wait to see her again. I need my team back!! After the weekend I'll be down to my last 2 treatments then onto the 'pill' two weeks after that. I don't really like to stop and think about it much - sometimes the rabbit hole can get too deep and that's a place I don't care to venture down right now. My focus is good thoughts and vibes all the way!! Hope everyone has a good night!!
  22. 2 points
    Oh it's hit alright. I know today is going to be another chill day for me I'm finally going to listen to my body and just rest. I'm curious to know what other side effects I'll have. I know everyone reacts differently but they said to expect this 'dip' around the third and 4th week and then around week 6 should start coming back up and feeling better. Glad to know it wont last forever. That pill did seem to work. I think last night was the longest I've slept yet! And I probably would have slept longer had the pups not woken me up. I'm definitely going to take another one tonight. But for now just checking in before I go hit my recliner.
  23. 2 points
    Sorry you didn't make it to your sisters today but glad you're listening to your body and taking that much needed rest. When I first quit smoking I was exhausted for months so I can't imagine going through what you are on top of that. I hope the CBD helps you get that full nights sleep you need
  24. 2 points
    Now you're rocking and rolling. Great choices on the wigs (I particularly love the first one -- straight and elegantly casual with with a hot red highlight). Those will be perfect for whenever you're in the mood, and turbans, scarves, and hats will be fun to play around for everyday looks. Baseball caps are always an option and some of these newsboy caps could be good for a change. https://hatsscarvesandmore.com/collections/newsboy-caps If you can't use paint on the mask, maybe you could do the red area with fabric and black duct tape or even a thin sheet of rubber for the black areas . Or this link shows how to make it out of a red t-shirt. https://www.instructables.com/id/Deadpool-Mask-1/ . He uses spray paint for the black area but you could substitute or have someone else do the spraying (or do the fumes never quite go away even after drying outside?) Have fun with your sister today! Lazing around a river house sounds like a perfect way to spend the day -- don't forget to bring your new PJs.
  25. 2 points
    Look at you go super hero. After that initial loss with the hair, give it a day or so and you don't notice it. Just remember when it grows back it's an exciting new present .... it could be the same or completely different. Love the wigs you chose though, they are very nice.
  26. 2 points
    Hi hellkat, you've been pretty quiet today so I hope you're getting that much needed sleep, xoxo
  27. 2 points
    hellkatbaby, dinner sounded wonderful. My husband is a chef too. He loves the cooking channels. Yay! last treatment. That will be a big relief. You need to share pictures of those pups. There is a dog section but you can post them here. Mine are early risers. I think there was a rooster on the farm, where we got them. They will be two in October but are still a work in progress. You definitely should go back to painting. I did a ton of crafting while I was recuperating. Art is so soothing to the soul. You should celebrate your day today and then come home and relax. Go Team Deadpool!
  28. 2 points
    @hellkatbaby I love the selfie also. My kids and grand kids would take a homecooked meal and games over going out. I bet you are a super cook. Quitting smoking, I had not patience. I would have set the BF straight. You definitely do not need stress in your life. Puzzles and mind games are the best way to keep that brain in tune. I keep hoping you will finally be able to relax and get some good rest. That is important in your recovery. Have a wonderful day with your family.
  29. 2 points
    Oh it's already dropped lol. I didn't even bother with it this AM as today I was supposed to up the dosage again. NOPE!! Since it's a trial drug and not regulated they of course wanted me to at least try it but said that it was my decision and that it wasn't something I HAD to take. So I'm not even going to sweat it!!
  30. 2 points
    That's awesome hellkat, I'm so glad you're feeling better
  31. 2 points
    :Thank you so much Linda!! just the words I needed to hear!! I made it til 3:30 uninterrupted so again not bad. I'm sure I'll go down again in a few hours and catch another hour or so of sleep or just rest. No big plans for today for me until around 5ish - there's a lady on one of my soaping forums who happens to be local and decided to buy my entire stash!! So she will be stopping by to pick that up. I love the whole pay it forward thing. Her son is special needs so she's really going to be surprised at all the extras she will be getting that she doesn't know about yet all the Starwars and kid themed soap molds that hopefully he will love to play with in the tub. Not to mention all the bubble bars!! Who doesn't love bubbles!! I just hope her car is big enough lol! Of course my BF will be here to help her load everything. We had to break down and buy a newer fridge yesterday. It seems my appliances want to give out one after the other but this thing was a good 15 plus yrs old and also on it's last leg. So we stopped by the habitat for Jax and found a really nice side by side with ice maker/water dispenser and tons of space and crisper drawers!! They also offer a warranty at a price that was a steal!! So out with the old and in with the newer - more room for all that good food and not having it fall out when we open the door lol. My BF and his coworker will be picking that up mid morning so we can get her plugged up and ready to xfer the food!! They plan on renting the UFC fight tonight and grilling out which is fine by me all I have to do is sit back and watch!! Yup it's going to be a good day!!
  32. 2 points
    I If I understand what you are saying, I think the only way is to 'edit' your original blog post and add on to the the body of the first entry. When you "add blog entry" it makes it's own separate little blog but, still under your umbrella. But I like the immediacy of you carrying on in the comments...it's more conversational
  33. 2 points
    I hope you got some much needed rest and have a relaxing day, Hellkat. I was part of the 3 a.m. crowd this morning so I feel your frustration there. The insurance issues and practices make my head spin. There must be a better way than making people fight so hard to receive the benefits that they pay mightily for.
  34. 2 points
    Pups are in the crate and being good! I have two that are driving me crazy. I have never had two dogs that feed off of each other looking for trouble. They are white goldens and they are 1 and 1/2 years old. My husband tells me they are teenagers now and should be getting better. I truly wonder. I am glad you have those fur babies. They sure make you feel loved. You have had so much thrown at you at one time. The exhaustion will finally hit. Rest today, sweetie, you deserve it.
  35. 2 points
    Well I know where I am going to come when I have an insurance question. I think the Cleveland Clinic has the worst billing system. I can't tell you how many times I have received a bill a year or two after the fact. I have gone and sat with their billing people and come out with my head spinning. They are making it more and more confusing. Hellkatbaby, I know you must feel exhausted but sleep has to be around the corner. Radiation does zap your strength. It took about a week and I was sleeping a lot. I love the mask idea. Go Team Deadpool!
  36. 2 points
    "...no more Michelle Bashing, for that will not help" And the support and encouragement has worked really great, right? You are in deep denial my friend. You don't even come out and say "I smoked". Instead you talk in some abstract terms about your junkie thinking telling you to have one. I had to read your post twice to figure out that you actually relapsed. Again. I, for one, am going to put you on "ignore" because I think that's exactly what you are doing with the advice you are getting here. Hope you figure this all out. You don't know what you're missing.
  37. 2 points
    You seem to have thought this all through and know what you are doing as well as what you have to do in order to break free of being a slave to this addiction so I have no words of wisdom to add other than to say that living for a prolonged period of time in this constant state of early withdrawal is not the way anyone should live. You are in fact making things worse for yourself. Wouldn't it be so much easier to bite the bullet for a few ugly days, get by the worst of it and start healing? I really hope you find your key to maintaining your commitment to quit over a period of time that lasts for more then just a few days because in the end, that is what's required for any of us that want to quit.
  38. 1 point
    Boy hellkat, I was beginning to think you were superwoman. I knew that radiation had to hit sometime. Your body needs to recoup from the radiation. Accept the fact that you are going to be tired for a while. Fortunately, it will not last forever. Can't believe Deadpool jammies come in adult sizes. I bet you look cute! I just googled the CBD/THC. Isn't it amazing how they have found cannabis to have such great medicinal value. You are doing so great handling all these new challenges. That positive attitude is going to carry you through all this. Take care and rest.
  39. 1 point
    Those wigs are really pretty hellkat I favor the first one best too I like Jordan's idea about your mask. Maybe crayons or magic markers? Maybe your local craft store would have some more ideas. Have fun at the lake house today and you're doing awesome on your quit too!
  40. 1 point
    I went with a 1 buzz. It was just easier. I'm a big soon and didn't like the wig so just rocked scarfs and trubans and bandanas and I had these super soft and gentle headbands that had the triangle scarf bit built in. Scarfs/bandanas were the best because there were lots of different ways to tie them.
  41. 1 point
    Have a great family night hellkat and I love the selfie too
  42. 1 point
    Sweetie, you need to cut yourself some slack. It is okay to rest and recharge. You need to let your body heal. It is okay to exercise but realize your body is going to react to your treatments and that you will need to rest. It is also normal to feel overwhelmed. I think writing your blog is the best medicine for you. Were not just here to shore you up and help you quit smoking. We are here to support you through this also. Hang in there. You are doing great.
  43. 1 point
    There are times that I do feel numb or overwhelmed. Today I had one of those moments right after my treatment when they gave me my papers for work stating it would be around November 1st before they would even think about releasing me at part time hours working from home. Just one of those panic moments where it felt so far away time wise and that deer in the headlights look would start to take over. And the rabbit hole just gets too deep to even look at. But then I had to stop and think ok, it's mid August already so that would be about right for short term leave. I am starting to feel the fatigue from the radiation and I know that I'm pushing myself a bit too much with all this needless putzing and restless energy. I need to say it's ok to rest and recharge. Sometimes at night when I go write in my journal my hands will start to cramp and I'll have no choice but to stop and flex my hands and that's not good because I'm really just burning myself out vs filtering this energy to start those exercises for fatigue solution. They are not hard at all simple stretches and leg lunges using a chair for support, presses for your arms using the wall etc and just overall taking care of the body. Use mindfulness to calm my anxiety and hopefully get a full nights rest. It just seems to make sense now that I'm eating way better then I ever have in my life that I should physically start taking care of myself better. I know I still have a fight ahead and I want to be able to kick ass!! Even though I've been zipping around like crazy now is the time when I need to be mindful of my energy. Use it to help build and maintain that muscle. Not this senseless zooming and buzzing - that just has to stop. Tomorrow my steroids taper to 1/2 a pill a day so hopefully that will help with the focus. So tomorrow is a new day - I have my goal and I'm going to do it and do it right! Just being able to get that out was a big woosah moment. The mind is clear and calmer now and I can finally get some much needed rest!
  44. 1 point
    OMG a girl with ferrets. My son has those darn pets. I keep thinking he will never find a girl in his life. He is 39 years old and has had up to 6 at one time. I keep thinking, what girl is going to want a man with stincky ferrets. Now you give me hope!!!!!! You are doing so great hellkatbaby. I wish you lived close. You could come clean at my house lol. From someone who has done this battle, your positive outlook is amazing. It is definitely hard not to go down that rabbit hole. I felt so numb through the process. You are so fortunate to have family support. I will admit I am not a fan of the movie but TEAM DEADPOOL is awesome!
  45. 1 point
    I want your positive outlook hellkat! And yay to only three more treatments Your air conditioner sounds awesome, we could sure use an air conditioner this week as it's been hot! There rare here on the Central Coast so we just have to suck up these hot days and eat ice cream lol. Team Deadpool for the win!!!
  46. 1 point
    Linda I can definitely tell my body needs the rest. I've been going and going in nesting mode for quite sometime trying to get everything in order and starting to feel that I'm pushing myself just a bit too much, starting to feel the strain in my back which I don't need - all those little details can wait for another day. I've got my recliner and pillows all set up, pups are being good in their crates so all I need to do is just chill out once I'm back from treatment and let everybody else do their job for the day.
  47. 1 point
    Not sure how to make a 'new entry' yet w/out starting another blog so I'll just carry on in the comments - keep it simple. So 3:00 am finds me again - ugh. I guess this will be part of the new norm for a bit, but I was really hoping I could have stuck it out a few more hours. I felt as if I were double dreaming which was really strange. I guess with all that's on my mind it's not surprising. Part of it was about my treatments, nothing bad but just feeling like I had already gone today and came home to realize HA! Jokes on you it was just a dream! And the other part was about while at the center they happen to run out of A/C (since mine at home gets fixed today) and how they were charging us extra to sit near a window unit while waiting and charging our insurance for it. Just kind of the crazy stuff. Next thing I know I'm staring at my darn clock. Speaking of insurance and knowing how to be your own patient advocate. Again, being a part of the health ins. biz we see a lot of messed up stuff as far as how the business end runs. Again never ever mistake anything medical or insurance wise for charity because in the end it all comes down to the mighty dollar - PEROID!! Standard protocol for certain things is to DENY, DENY and DENY even if there is no reason to DENY. For example - this 'Pill' that I am supposed to take was DENIED. I received a ROBO call from the pharmacy yesterday saying there was an 'issue with my insurance and my medication denied.' Well I KNEW exactly WHY they denied it and immediately contacted my Dr's to explain this 'conflict of interest' between the pharmacy and my ins. co. and the Dr's where very thankful that they did not have to do any extra leg work of calling around to figure out WHY or HOW a life saving/changing pill would be denied?!! Without giving out too much detail this is all I can say. Any time companies merge to where a pharmaceutical co. is now running an insurance co. is a great conflict of interest. Naturally all other pharmacies become NON-PAR as this 'new' co. basically forces you to use them and them only which is not always 'ideal' for the member/patient/dr's. But again it's the nature of the beast. We get many complaints from our OWN EMPLOYEES as well as members about how they are out of the certain medications constantly and making people wait to have them filled. Well the average Joe not knowing the ends and outs stresses and frets and waits not realizing or knowing that by law they can only pull that crap once. After that there is a number you can call and they HAVE to 'pre-cert' certain meds to another pharmacy at the PAR RATE! However again, unless you know the ends and outs - you wont really know. And it's sad. Going through what I am facing and hearing PT scan denied/meds denied/MRI etc is frustrating enough because I KNOW it's all BS. So as a member advocate I beg you all to please READ YOUR POLICIES all the way down to the very fine print with the largest microscope you have!!! When your ins. co tells you NO - KEEP PUSHING! DO NOT ACCEPT THAT NO AT FACE VALUE. Another tip - anytime you go to a PAR Dr. or facility it is ILLEGAL for them to try and balance bill you for ANYTHING as they are paid at a CONTRACTED RATE!!!! Even if you insurance denies them something simple as a lab test - THEY CAN NOT BILL YOU UNLESS YOU SIGN A WAIVER!! Be very, very careful regarding these 'waivers'. Another great tip - WAIT FOR YOU EOB FROM YOUR INS CO. BEFORE STRESSING ABOUT A BILL. I received my 'ER' Observation bill stating I owed over $1500.00 even though my deductible and out of pocket are fully met, par facility, not signing your waiver go stick it up your ARSE!! And of course on a closer look at the 'bill' found they had not even submitted he claim to my ins. co yet. Sneaky bastards. So when I did get my EOB it turns out that all was approved at their CONTRACTED FLAT DRG RATE - meaning you get what your contract states and not one penny more! If for some reason w/in that 31 day period I have to be readmitted it all still follows under that one flat rate and not a dime more. Sorry - I just had to get this off my chest DEADPOOL STYLE simply because a lot of the times the 'powers that be' literally tie your hands and I just can not and will not follow those misguided un-ethics. So now that those tips are out of the way - this AM I will drive myself alone for the 1st time to and from treatment. Since my dx my Dr's keep asking 'AND YOU'VE NEVER HAD A SEIZURE' WTH? So just that word has made me a bit cautious as if I'm going to have a seizure! And the LAST PLACE you want something like that to happen is behind the wheel of a car!! Well after a few weeks of being on steroids and my 1st few treatments and finding my new legs I would test myself and go the back way to the store or just up the road driving like a little old lady lol. Yesterday I drove to treatment and had my mom with me just in case. I did fine - radio off, phone off - no distractions as school has just started back and I pass one elementary school way under the 15 mile per hour limit. Just better safe than sorry. But now that they have cut back on the steroid intake and let me know the treatments are doing their job has brought some calm in that area. If they thought something like that was a possibility now they would have not started to wean me off them. But I still plan on being very, very cautious especially with my crazy sleep patterns. So Team Deadpool is going solo tomorrow for a bit. I think this is a good thing for me another step/fear to over come!! Another good thing with the A/C people coming out is I will sort of be forced to do nothing but rest and recharge. But I need it!! It will give me a chance to break out some of my puzzle books or those Adult coloring books that I haven't had a chance to really dive into and get creative - stop buzzing around the house like sally homemaker for a bit so to speak. Wait - Deadpool doing house chores? Shut the front door!! LOL. But in all seriousness because I get to keep my mask - I'm painting it as DEADPOOL and I'm going to hang that sucker on my wall as a daily reminder to never give up, never give in and do everything with a special style and flair and wicked sense of humor behind it!!
  48. 1 point
    Are you still quit or not Michelle?
  49. 1 point
    Thanks all will do. Gonna start a juice fast in about a week.Clensing starts today for about 5 to 7 days.Gonna start weaning off of caffine, meats, dairy , poultry, eggs etc.I did this before when after my heart attack about 10 years ago i started to feel horrible with all the meds i was taking.Good god never felt so good . Got off all meds with the doctor helping.Than like most people started slipping back lol. Now it will be a life change for good. Need to really detox. Ill let ya all know in about a 2 weeks how it went lol
  50. 1 point
    Yes..... I love to randomly shout out things...….So out of character which makes it funny...…….which makes me laugh...….which causes a distraction.....which diminishes a thought...… I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!
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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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