So what have I learned so far:

NICOTINE is addictive

It changed my brain 

It changed my DNA

I needed a fix every hour

It hurt my lungs, my heart, and other body parts

Cost me a fortune

Took a lot of my time 

Controlled much of my life

I spoke to my daughter and she said of course I am addicted to nicotine. She gave me examples and now, what she had been telling me for years now made sense. I was not in control of when I had a cig, it was in control of me. 

Why was I resisting acknowledging that I was an addict? I always "prided" myself with the "fact" that I was in control. Yet, with an addiction, one is not in control. Yet it is obvious to me now, that part of me is out of control. I have given that power and that control to nicotine.  I AM AN ADDICT.

While that was difficult to admit to myself, it was paramount to be able to begin my healing, to come to a place where I really wanted to quit...forever, where I realized the lies I told myself to rationalize my addiction. For now that I know and acknowledge  I am an addict and out of control with this addiction, the choice is for me to leave that part of me out of control or do something about it.

I choose to do something about it. I choose to heal my addicted part and become whole.  I choose to take back the power I gave to my addiction. No more fear. Each time I have the urge to Smoke, I will face and challenge the urge and absorb its power. And before long, I will have accumulated the power over my addiction and the addiction will lose its power over me. I look forward to each urge. I look forward to becoming whole again at to becoming free. 

NOPE