Depression</h1> <article> <h1>Depression</h1> <p>Mon, 01 Apr 2019 22:15:42 +0000</p> <p> How am I going to get through this. When is the day gonna come that I don't obsess over a cigarette? Am I destined to be miserable? To never feel happy? I know people say that I will be happy again but I don't feel that way. I have been quit for 2 1/2 months now. I still find it hard to concentrate. It's not going to happen for me. My joy is gone. Cigarettes have ruined my life. I pray for true happiness. I wish I could be an inspiration instead of this pathetic woe is me person. I know I should be grateful. I should be free. But I'm still a slave. Why? Is there something wrong with me? Is my brain wired wrong?if all this isn't enough, I beat myself up for having a negative attitude. I'm still committed. NOPE. Prayers for better days. </p> </article> <article> <h1>The journey begins</h1> <p>Sun, 31 Mar 2019 01:42:25 +0000</p> <p> Jan. 14th 2019. That's the day I quit smoking. I don't know why I chose that day. I think that day chose me. </p> <p> I was smoking on the upside of 3 packs of cigarettes a day. I coughed all the time. Was wheezing when I laid down. I knew it killing me slowly but surely.......soooo I devised a plan to quit the stanky things. </p> <p> First. I took chantix for 10 days. I continued to smoke but cut down drastically. If I remember correctly, I only smoked 3 cigs the last day that I smoked. I ordered a case of sugar free candy and made sure that I was off work the 1st 4 days of my quit. I decided to stay in bed and watch back to back episodes of Dalton Abby. I will never forget those 1st few weeks. That was the most horrible experience. I didn't sleep for the 1st 10 days. I cried ever every day for the first 7 weeks. Absolutely miserable. I should mention that I discontinued the chantix the day I quit the cigs. I had tried chantix before. It helps you quit but also increases anxiety, which is the last thing I need! </p> <p> I've been quit for 21/2 months now. Still think about smoking all the time. The cravings are not nearly as bad but I still have them. The worst ones come if I drink alcohol, after I eat, if I go to a casino. ...which I've done a couple of times. My main trigger is eating though. And that's something you can't live without soooo I'm learning how to deal with that. Usually I jump on cleaning the kitchen right away and then maybe eat sugar free candy. A word to the wise about that sugar free candy though. It will mess you up!! I have never had such bad gas in all my life! Take in moderation! </p> <p> Just got home from our 1st cruise. It was ok. I'm still struggling with my quit so it was difficult at some points. I spent a lot of time with my husband in the smoking section because he's still smoking. I can't even tell you how many times I almost did it!! But I didnt. I made it!! And I'm glad. </p> <p> Tonight I go to bed smoke free. I'm happy. </p> <p> </p> </article> </main></body></html>