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A journey to a achieve my personal best.

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Cecilia

Happy Friday and Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!

 

Yesterday day go super busy so very little time to stay updated or blog about my life changing event. -- Smoke Free Freedom Bound.

 

I had class after school yesterday and I was so tempted to not go....I had not finished all of my assignments, which of course I was not the only one....actually most of the class had not. The instructor is (thankfully) to lenient on deadlines. However with that being said we are all teachers and have our cups are overrunning. Many of the teachers in the class are teacher at 4 of the schools that have been identified as turn around schools or at risk. Two of the schools are in jeopardy of having over 50% of their staff let go if their scores do not improve by next year. (Not sure where they would find the teachers to replace them, as we have a teacher shortage as it is) As for my school we are a D school trying to get to a B. So we all are under extreme press from the state as well as local level. I was very stressed...so at 2:30 I took a xanax and by 4:00 emotions ect. were under control and I went to class. I was late of course, but class was good.

 

In addition my student have two major project in the work......a promo video for our school system, which the student are working with our Central Office PR person, who is new, as no experience, but doing a wonderful job. Her only downfall is she does not know when enough is enough. She works with my students at lest 3 times a week weeding through footage she has taken and selecting for the promo video. The only problem is at this point we have 6.9 G's and I can not get our PR lady to realize that it is just to much for the students to sort through, and then every time she does meet with them she bring more video. UGH........these are high school students Lady not fulltime employees.

 

I am super proud of myself as I reminded smoke free, of course the xanax helped me push through as well as running late and knowing that taking the time to stop and by a pack would make me later, and when I walked into class I would smell like a smoke stack. I think it was more important to me to not smell like a smoke stack once I entered the room and that was my number one reason for not making a stop at the stress after such a stressful day. I wont even mention the HELL my DS is causing right now.

 

Sigh.....I am sure it is much worse than normally because of the withdrawal. Cravings are not to bad, but the stress and anxious, and brain fog is killing. But so does smoking.

 

ONWARD AND THROUGH

Cecilia

The brain fog is my biggest hurdle right now.....and sleeping. I am anticipating a challenging weekend....but that is hours and days away so I will not focus on it.

 

Last night I had to go to bed, I need to work on some course work but my Brain would not let me. So I got up early this am. Sleep last night was ok. I managed to doze off faster last night then the night before. But I did wake up at least 3 times during the course of my sleep. That is very unusually for me, and of course my first thought when I woke up was time to get a smoke.

 

When it was finally time for me to get up I was ready, grad a glass of mineral water and sat down to start working on the course work. But my Brain just would not engage. I hope I can pull out of this soon. I do not have time for my Brain to hijack my actions. So I went back to sleep in the chair. ): Sigh......I will pay for this later on today when I am trying to get things finished up for class, that starts at 4:00.

 

Trip to work was good, took the back roads again, made a cup of coffee to drink on the way. Wanted to make a B line for the store, but I know that if I did I would not make it to work in time to get setup for my first class.

 

ONWARD to another smoke free day!!!!

 

48 hours smoke free.....

Cecilia

Healthy Me

Brain Fog -- I suffer from Brain Fog every day around 11:15 and then again right after work. Also Brain Fog gets worse as the week goes on.

 

Did a bit of reading and Brain Fog is a by product of Smoking Cessations...and honestly I never connected my mid day brain fog or after work brain fog to the lack on nicotine in my body through out the day, as I did not smoke during the day. So that might be a possibility. That would be great to have a clearer mind....not sure my mind was clear pre smoking as I can not remember not smoking.

 

So what I can do in the sort term is cut back on my Pepsi.....which I planned to do anyway. Actually will cut them out but one thing at a time. So tomorrow I will not drink a Pepsi until the end of the work day. Maybe buy one on the way home from work to replace smoking.

 

Of course list help...

Cecilia

Ok a bit frustrated this am. Last night I created a blog post and this am it is not there. What happened.....I guess I did not hit publish now. That is the second post on a forum that I did not post yesterday. Not sure what is up with that. A bit upset that I lost my post.

 

Quick update for yesterday January 14, 2017

 

Yesterday went well for me. Around 2:00 yesterday afternoon my mind drifted to the "smoke" that I would be smoking after school I was a bit surprised by first the fact that I thought about one at 2:00. I do no smoke at all during the day because I am at work. I never noticed that I thought about during the course of the day other then my planning period at 11:10 when I did not have any students. My the thought was clean an plan and right in the middle of helping a student with an assignment. The other thing that surprised me was the disappointment that I felt when I reminded myself that I no longer smoke. It felt like Christmas morning and the disappoint a child would feel when they looked under the tree and the one present they wanted was not there. This happened twice between 2:00 and 3:05.

 

After work luckily the crave was not so bad as I had to go and take DS to get his Drivers Licenses. He is at the same school as I and so we left together. I do not some around my children so there was not an opportunity to smoke. Sure I thought about it but knew it was not an option at the time. BTW DS is now a Licensed Driver. Ugh the insurance with two teenage drivers!!!!

 

Once I got home it still was not an option as I did not have any cigarettes and from home I would have had to drive 20 mins to the closet store to buy a pack. So I just got on doing Birthday Stuff.

 

Once birthday stuff was done it was off to bed. I get up at 4:00 and try to get in bed by 9:00. I did find it very difficult to sleep, my mind did think of a "smoke" several times while trying to get to sleep, but I know it was not an options, so not really a crave just a thought. It was after 10:30 before I did fall to sleep. That is a late night for me.

 

I am like a Camel I can go a long time with out smoking and not crave, as I am a closet smoker and there are time that I go without. So I need to prepare myself for several days down the road for my worst craves to hit and that urge to make a B-Line for the store starts hitting me heard.

 

Two times of the day that will be the hardest for me is first thing in the am. I was concerned that I would not get up this am because I knew that I could not smoke. I usually smoke about 6 before leaving for work or anyone gets up in the house. Funny to say this but I use it as a reward. Complete XYZ then go and grab a smoke. So I have to pick something else to do once I finish a XYZ.

 

This am I had already to planned to pour myself a glass of sparkling mineral water straight out of bed. I love sparkling mineral water and it is something that I do not buy often. I bought a bottle when I went to the grocery store on Sunday specifically to open after my quit. So when the alarm went off this am and I thought of a smoke I was able to instantly turn my mind to the mineral water. Which helped.....drink now as I post.

 

Driving to work today may be my first hard crave.....and I will might have to fight the urge to make a B Line for the store. I love a cup of coffee in the am so I will wait and make my coffee for the drive to work.

 

This am will also be hard because I can not plan smoke time around completing am task. Last night while in bed I tried to think of something quick I could do after each task completion to help with "time for a smoke break" thought entered my mind. So I have decided that when I think of a "smoke break" I will do Kegel Exercises. This old bladder of mine is very weak so it will be interesting to see if the Kegel Exercises will make a difference. Sorry if that is to much TMI.

 

This am when I got up I had a huge sneezing fit....very unusually. I sneezed so hard that I my ear popped and it hurt for about 5 mins. Anyway just strange.

 

Now it is time to get this day rolling. Have a great day all who read!!!!

 

NOPE -- 24 hours smoke free in just over 2 hours.

Cecilia

So today is my quit date!!!! I have been looking forward to this day, but have not obsessed about, as I have in the past.

 

The morning time will the hardest time for me, so my plan for today was to smoke as normally this am and then toss whatever I had left on the way to work today. So at 7:10 I extinguished my last one and toss what was left in the pack.

 

The day started out really bumpy, my major hurdle will be my DH and his BEAR attitude. Boy was he a bear when he got up this am, and I am sure it will not be any better when I got home tonight. But this is my quit, I am doing it for me, I need to be true to myself. Be like a duck and let it roll off my back. The only way to the other side is to go through it.

 

Have a wonderful day, all who read.

Cecilia

I am here and ready to take this life changing step.

 

I have read through the 10 steps to using Quit Train and have done all that i can do for now on the 10 steps.

 

Will be back tomorrow to do some blogging. I will be blogging a lot, to work through emotions and stressful situations.

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